I went with honeyketchup for this because oh my, the prompt suited them so well! Also, tumblr stuffed up the formatting a bit, since it doesn’t let you align text to the right :///. I had to improvise by just holding down spacebar a bunch for the text conversations. I hope it doesn’t screw up the entire format of this – I apologise for sections where the text doesn’t properly align D:

Anyway, thank you for the request! I hope you enjoy this! It’s one of those long ones again, I hope that’s alright!

Warning: Bad puns. A lot of them.

---

Sans’ phone buzzed again, and he
rolled over in bed, glancing at the new message.

Hey sweetheart, my place in five? I’d love to
bone 😉

Sighing, he deleted the match. He
had to admit, it may have been a mistake including the fact that he was a
skeleton monster in his online profile. Even he tended to get tired of the
boning jokes after a while.

Since he and his brother had
moved to London, Papyrus had been trying to convince him to meet more people.
He’d recommended the app to Sans, telling him that it was a great way to make
new friends. Sans had a strong feeling that Papyrus didn’t quite understand the
true nature of ‘online dating’ (although a small part of him feared that he
did).

Regardless, Sans had quickly
found himself intrigued by the concept, delving into the world of quick ‘matches’
and short ‘dates’—more as a way to distract himself than anything. Given his
inconsistent sleeping schedule, Sans often found himself awake into the early
hours of the morning, chatting to strangers or simply flicking through their
profiles. Most of them were human, but Sans had come across the occasional
monster. In truth though, no one had ever really sparked his interest, unless
it was for some late night dirty talk or a quick way to get off.

Growing bored, Sans placed his
phone on the nightstand, deciding that this probably wasn’t the best way to fix
his bad sleeping habits. He closed his eyes, trying to find some semblance of
sleep. Just as he’d begun to drift off however, his phone buzzed again.
Groaning slightly, Sans turned over, glancing at the screen.

You have: 1 new match!

He considered for a moment. More
likely than not, it was another ‘comedian’ lining up with one of their boner jokes. Still, Sans wasn’t exactly
eager to sleep. He wasn’t sure if it was the new country, or simply a shift in
whatever strange part of his magical makeup had programmed him for nightmares,
but he was woken up by night terrors more often than not these days.

Unlocking his phone, Sans glanced
over the profile of his new match, ‘Stretch’. The profile picture was nothing
more than an image of a skull and crossbones, with the description ‘come
plunder me booty’ beneath it. Despite himself, Sans released a small chuckle at
that. It was different, at least.

Figuring that it was worth a
shot, Sans typed out a quick message, with a picture attachment of the Titanic.

ice to meet you. name’s sans.

He waited for a moment, and when
there was no response, he typed out the second part of his message.

heh sorry. was that a bad icebreaker?

Sans had to admit, as often as he
used it, it was still a classic. If ‘Stretch’ didn’t respond though, Sans could
hardly blame him. A minute passed. Then two. Eventually, Sans figured he wasn’t
going to receive a reply, and locked his phone again, crawling back under his
covers.

But the silence was instantly interrupted
by a sudden buzz, and Sans glanced up, his notifications displaying a new
message from Stretch.

                                                                           stretch. and ice seen better.

Sans grinned, appreciative of the
response, despite the subtle jab at his own pun-making abilities. His phone
buzzed again, and another message popped up.

                 but honestly, there’s snow better way i
could’ve said it myself.

Sans’ grin widened, and for once,
he actually felt a little intrigued. It wasn’t often that people went along
with his jokes—and they almost never supplied their own puns in return. Leaning
back slightly, and shifting into a more comfortable position, he typed out a
response.

gotta admit, it’s not often that people humour me.

Sans waited, eagerly watching the
screen as the typing bubble popped up.

            well, i myself am just a skull and
crossbones, but you seem pretty                humerus.

“heh.” Sans snickered, grateful
that for once, the skeleton related joke involved something other than boning.
Curiosity prickled in the back of his mind. Stretch’s profile said that he was
less than five miles away. While Sans seldom met up with people from the app,
he couldn’t deny, he was a little intrigued by this guy. Deciding that perhaps
he should gather a little more information before making any snap decisions, he
typed out another message.

so why you up so late?

                                                                                             bad sleeper. you?

Sans paused for a moment,
considering. While he was tempted to state that he wasn’t exactly the heaviest
sleeper himself, he knew the generic ‘same’ response was always a conversation
killer. So instead, he typed out a different reply, grinning.

looking for buried treasure.

Sans couldn’t help but laugh
quietly to himself at his own joke. He had to admit, the idea had been tickling
the back of his mind since seeing Stretch’s profile description, he’d just been
waiting for the opportunity to use it.

The minutes ticked by, and
Stretch didn’t supply a response. Sans’ self-congratulatory chuckles soon
faded, and he suddenly began to panic, wondering if he’d overstepped. After a
good ten minutes, just when he’d begun to fear that Stretch had abandoned the
conversation altogether, a reply came through.

                                                              well, i do live kinda near king’s cross.

Sans frowned for a moment, his
mind puzzling over the response, trying to wrap his head around the meaning
behind Stretch’s words. His phone buzzed again, and a second message popped up.

                     or you know, you could just come over and
find x for yourself.

It suddenly clicked, and Sans
found himself struggling to keep his grin suppressed.

x marks the spot hehe. took me a while.

Excitement bubbled in his chest.
Their conversation hadn’t been long, but Sans had to admit, it was the first
time he’d spoken to someone interesting in a long time. His soul jumped
slightly with anticipation when Stretch responded again.

                                                                    it was a bit of a stretch, i’ll admit.

Sans was never one to be outdone
when it came to puns, but right now, his mind was almost a little too ecstatic
to think of anything witty to respond with. He glanced back over their previous
messages, still grinning to himself in a way that was actually genuine for
once. Suddenly, something occurred to him, and he frowned slightly, quickly
typing out a message.

wait.

Sans paused, reading back over
Stretch’s messages to make sure he’d understood correctly.

were you asking me to come over?

Normally, Sans could immediately
tell when someone was coming onto him. The hints were never subtle, and he
usually tried to avoid meeting anyone in person, unless he was feeling
particularly restless and needed a quick way to relieve some stress. But he’d
almost missed Stretch’s small hint the first time. come over and find x for yourself. Sans wasn’t sure if it had been
too subtle, or if he’d simply been too wrapped up in the tirade of puns to
notice. His soul raced in his chest as he impatiently awaited Stretch’s reply.

                                                                                                            depends.

There was a pause. Stretch’s
typing bubble popped up then disappeared a few times, as if he was contemplating
whether or not to send his next message.

                                                                     would you come if i told you to?

Sans felt a sudden heat rippling
through his bones, and his soul flipped in his chest. He had to swallow heavily
to rid his mouth of the magic that had begun to coalesce there. That hadn’t
been subtle at all. Stretch was definitely flirting with him now. Excitement
flooded him, and Sans could no longer keep the grin off his face.

He must have taken too long to
respond, because a (seemingly rather frantic) message came through.

                                                                                   heh. shit, sorry. too far?

Without thinking, Sans typed out
a hurried reply.

nah, king’s cross isn’t too far from me.

Stretch’s reply was almost
instantaneous, and Sans could almost sense his relief through the phone,
despite the fact that it was only an emoji.

                                                                                                                   😀

Sans hesitated for a moment,
considering the situation. Was he really going to do this? A quick glance at
the clock told him that it was almost midnight. Papyrus had long gone to bed,
although in truth, Sans doubted he was really asleep. It was unlikely he’d be
bothered if Sans left this late anyway—if anything, he’d probably be pleased
Sans was meeting up with a… friend. Not to mention, the odds of Sans falling
asleep now were rather minimal.

Mind made up, he shot a quick
message to Stretch.

what’s ur address? i’ll be there in 5.

****

Sans’ soul thumped erratically as
he knocked on the door to the apartment. He prayed to the stars that Stretch
hadn’t sent him a fake address. Although part of him almost hoped he had. He
was already having doubts. What if Stretch didn’t actually want to see him?
What if they didn’t really click as much in person? What if this was some kind
of set up? An elaborate prank of which Sans was the punchline.

He wasn’t given a chance to
linger on these thoughts, as a moment later, the door swung open, revealing a
tall, slouching skeleton monster, his hands in the pockets of his faded orange
hoodie. Sans found himself gaping for a moment, and upon seeing Stretch’s grin,
he quickly snapped his mouth shut.

“uh, stretch?” was all Sans
seemed able to enunciate.

Stretch smirked, his golden
eye-lights glinting slightly. “in the flesh.”

Sans chuckled, running a hand
over the back of his skull. He suddenly felt extremely awkward, and magic rose
to his cheekbones. “geez, sorry, i um… i just… wow. you’re a lot more
attractive in person.”

Stretch raised a brow bone, regarding
Sans quizzically, though there was still the faint hint of humour in his eyes.
“i can’t tell if you’re complimenting me or insulting my profile picture.”

Sans felt his eyes going wide,
his blush deepening. “oh—no! no, i wasn’t. heh, honestly the skull and
crossbones kinda drew me in. i didn’t mean it like that, i only…” Sans trailed
off as Stretch started laughing, the sound light and clear—almost sweet.

“i’m pulling your tibia, dude.
i—i’m flattered, really, uh… thanks.” Sans’ soul clenched slightly at the sight
of a faint golden blush rising to Stretch’s own cheekbones, his eyes darting
away from Sans. They were both silent for a moment, Sans’ hands shoved deep in
his pockets as he regarded Stretch, and for once, his grin didn’t feel so
forced. “so, um… you wanna head inside and skip straight to the, uh, heh—booty plundering?” Stretch asked, his blush intensifying. “or… do you maybe want to grab a drink or something and… flesh this out a bit
more?”

Stretch was looking nervous,
which Sans was almost appreciative of. If anything, it made him feel a little
more relaxed, knowing that he wasn’t the only one anxious to pursue this.
“well, uh, i’ve never been a particularly fleshy monster…” Sans began, earning
a grin from Stretch. “but, uh…”

Sans regarded the other monster
for a moment. He couldn’t deny, his entire body was already buzzing with eager
magic. He wasn’t sure if it was the puns, or simply the astounding fact that
Stretch was also a skeleton monster—and a fair looking one at that—but he
already found himself slightly drawn to him. And it felt a little too strong
just to be sexual attraction. Taking a long breath, he said, “you know what?
let’s, uh… let’s hang out.”

Stretch looked surprised,
although if the smile that spread across his face was any indication, he wasn’t
disappointed. “really?”

Sans grinned, nodding. “yeah, you
know what they say. you gotta dig a little deeper before you find the real
treasure.”