The Bonechelor – Round 2

Round 1 Bone Ceremony (previous)

Round 2 Bone Ceremony (next)

Week 2: The Party

Ever-the-showman, Twist has decided to throw a party to give Cash a chance to mingle with the seven remaining contestants! Alcohol often breeds truth, after all. But the contestants won’t be the only ones drinking…

Will our bachelor completely humiliate himself? Find out below! Warning for alcohol consumption.

Don’t forget to vote for who you want Cash to eliminate this round! The link to the poll will be at the end of the chapter!

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Cash revelled in the
few days of freedom he was granted before the next ‘event’ Twist had planned.
Though the day following the first elimination ceremony had been… uncomfortable,
Cash had managed to push aside his guilt and remorse in favour of treating
himself to some much-needed alone time.

He spent as much time
outside as he could—wandering the gardens, picking oranges from the orchard
below his bedroom window, sitting in the courtyard and reading a few of his old
pirate novels. The peace and quiet was welcome, but more importantly—it allowed
him some time away from the other skeletons.

In addition to Twist’s
non-stop date idea related drivel, he’d been incessantly pestering Cash about
who his ‘favourites’ were so far. Cash had given up on trying to get him to
shut up—and was now just attempting to avoid him entirely.

Today’s chosen spot
was a bench beside the pond, in the shade of an old willow tree whose branches
hung low over the murky blue water. Cash was dozing lightly when he heard the
sound of footsteps. Warily, he cracked open an eye socket. “Heya, Patches!”

“fuck—” Cash flinched
violently away from Twist, startled by his sudden proximity. “don’t—sneak up on me, you asshole!”

Twist only grinned,
dropping onto the bench beside him and slinging an arm over his shoulders. “Yer
jus’ terrible at keepin’ yer eye out,” he said, flicking Cash on the cheekbone.
Cash grumbled, trying to tug himself out of Twist’s grip, but his hold was
firm.

Slumping against
Twist, he gave a relinquishing sigh. “what do you want?” he asked, his voice
dull and tired.

Twist hummed, gazing
at the pond’s still waters. “Jus’ wanted ta spend some time with ya before
tonight,” he said, sounding serene.

Cash glanced up at
him, blinking. “tonight?”

Twist slowly drew his
gaze away from the water, lifting his brow-bones at Cash. “Oh! Right—tonight’s
the party.”

Cash gave him a blank
look, dread creeping into his soul. “… party?”

Twist frowned, making
a considering noise. “Uh. Did I—er, ferget ta tell ya?” Cash glowered. “Huh.
Knew I’d missed someone. Well. Yeah—tonight’s the party! Chance fer ya ta
mingle with the others. Get ‘em drunk an’ honest, y’know?”

Cash took a long
breath of the cool morning air, closing his eye sockets and dipping his head in
a sullen nod. “right. great.”

“Aww, no need ta be so
glum, Patches,” Twist said, giving Cash’s shoulders a soft squeeze. “Yer
allowed ta drink too.”

“believe me,” Cash mumbled,
“if i wasn’t, then i wouldn’t be attending.”

****

Later that evening,
when the sun’s light had faded, and the cool night air was flowing in through
Cash’s bedroom window, Cash lay on his bed, dozing idly. The quiet chirping of
crickets and the occasional low hoots of owls outside were almost enough to
make him forget the dull thump of music downstairs.

Cash’s thoughts were interrupted
by a knock on the door, breaking his brief moment of tranquillity. “come in,”
he called, sleepily. The door creaked open to reveal Twist—dressed in slacks
and a button up shirt with yellow polka dots on it. He was even wearing a
bowtie.

“Patches! Yer awake,”
he said, beaming as he hurried over.

Blearily, Cash hoisted
himself off the bed, stifling a yawn. “yep—h-hey, what are you doing?”

Twist had begun to
slide Cash’s jacket off his shoulders. He looked up, blinking. “Well, ya can’
go down there dressed like this—it’s a party!”

“who cares?” Cash
asked, blandly.

Twist almost looked offended,
his eye going wide, and a tint of magic briefly touching the cracks of left
socket. “Yer the star a’ the night! Ya’ve gotta dress ta impress.”

Cash gave him a dull
look. “i don’t have to—i’m impressive on my own.”

This drew a laugh from
Twist, but he removed Cash’s jacket nonetheless, discarding it on the bed. “Be
tha’ as it may—we’re tryna sell ya ta the rest a’ them. An’ ta do that—we’ve
gotta dress ya fer the part.”

Cash gave up,
resorting to sitting back as Twist picked an outfit for him. Twist rifled
through his closet for a few minutes before emerging holding a smart pair of Cash’s
best designer jeans and a plum coloured shirt. “Purple’s yer colour, y’know,”
he told him as he tossed the garments at him.

“so i’ve been told,”
Cash muttered, examining the clothes. Twist watched him in anticipation,
grinning. Clearing his throat, Cash said, “aren’t you going to, um, turn away?”

For a moment, Twist
looked puzzled. Then realisation seemed to dawn on him, and his eye sockets
widened. “Right! ‘Course.” He gave a one-shouldered shrug, winking. “Can ya
blame me fer wantin’ a peek at—?”

“fuck off,” Cash
snapped, receiving only a throaty chuckle in response.

When Cash had finished
changing, Twist surveyed him, humming in thought. Self-consciously, Cash tugged
at the sleeves of the dress shirt. The colour felt too deep and bright—the type
that attracted attention (which had likely been Twist’s intention, Cash
realised). Twist approached Cash, placing his hands on his arms, and narrowing
his eye sockets as he looked him up and down. “take a picture, it’ll last
longer,” Cash murmured, scowling at the floor.

Twist simply grinned,
before reaching for the cuffs of his sleeves. “Don’ worry, precious—I’ll be
takin’ plenty a’ pictures,” he said, rolling Cash’s sleeves up past his elbows.
Cash blushed, ducking his head. “There—tha’s better. Ya have pretty hands, show
‘em off.”

In that moment, Cash
wished more than anything that his jeans had pockets.

He only blushed harder
when Twist took his arm, looping it in his own. “I’ll be yer escort fer
tonight, darlin’,” he whispered, leaning a little too close for Cash’s peace of
mind.

When they reached the
main hall downstairs, Cash could hear music and chatter coming from the living
room. He swallowed as Twist pushed open the doors and guided him inside. A fire
was crackling in the hearth, and the steady beat of music playing was coming
from the speakers set up near the window. At the far end of the room, the bar
was being tended by a monster Cash didn’t recognise. He lifted a brow-bone. “a
bit extreme for a party of nine people, don’t you think?”

“Can’ be cuttin’ any
corners when it comes ta somethin’ this important,” Twist said, grinning down
at him. “Well? Aren’t ya gonna socialise with yer guests?”

Cash gave the room a
sour look. On the sofas in the left corner of the room, Red was sitting with
Papyrus and Slim, the three of them deep in conversation. A few seats away from
them, Razz appeared to be making Stretch blush, and at the bar, Edge sat alone.
Sans was nowhere in sight.

“So, who’s it gonna
be?” Twist asked, cocking his head. His eyes wandered to the three skeletons
sitting in the corner, but Cash had already made up his mind.

“think i’m gonna grab
a drink,” he mumbled, before swiftly making his way to the bar. He caught the
other skeletons looking up as he crossed the room. Stretch and Papyrus both
smiled at him, but Cash kept his head ducked.

Edge glanced up as Cash
slid into the seat beside him, his gaze raking the length of Cash’s body. “rum
and lime,” Cash told the bartender, resting his elbows on the bar. He glanced
at Edge, lifting a brow-bone. “see something you like?”

Edge cleared his
throat and quickly glanced away. “You look… decent,” he said gruffly, his
cheekbones heating.

Cash only shrugged
indifferently. “twisted’s pick.”

“He has good taste,”
Edge remarked, shooting a quick glance at Cash. He sniffed. “In clothing, I
mean.”

Cash paused for a
moment, frowning, but Edge made no further comment on the matter. One of the
things Cash enjoyed about Edge’s company, was that he seldom pushed for
conversation. They sat in silence until Cash received his drink—which he
proceeded to down in one go. Edge regarded Cash dubiously, but didn’t remark
when Cash ordered a second.

He held no such
reservations after Cash decided to go for a third however. “If you’re anything
like Stretch and Slim, I’d advise you slow down,” he told Cash, quietly.

Cash sent him a scowl,
extending his middle finger. “i know my limits, asshole.”

Edge appeared
concerned, swirling his own drink anxiously as he watched Cash. “You sound like
Stretch,” he commented, wryly.

“you would know,” Cash
replied, smirking. He silently preened when Edge blushed—noting that he quite
enjoyed seeing the look on the normally stoic monster’s face. He signalled for
another drink before turning in his seat so that he was facing Edge directly.
“you know—you don’t look half bad yourself, edgelord.” He grinned as Edge’s
blush deepened.

Edge made a valiant
attempt at composure however, lifting his brow-bones in nonchalance. “Of course
I don’t,” he said primly. “I have impeccable taste in style.” His eyes
flickered up to Cash, dropping quickly before he said, “And I’m incredibly
attractive.”

Cash smirked, sipping
his… fourth? glass of rum. Concern still lined Edge’s features as he watched
Cash, his eyes hesitating waveringly on his glass. “Maybe you should, um…”

“edgelord. if you tell
me to slow down, it’ just gonna make me wanna defy you.”

Edge shook his head
quickly. “I was going to say—maybe you should go talk to Stretch?” Cash glanced
over his shoulder to find Stretch watching them from across the room. He smiled
as Cash caught his gaze, and Cash felt some of the tension unravel inside him.
Beside him, Razz seemed to be getting a little… friendly. “It looks like he
could use your help,” Edge murmured.

Clambering off his
stool, Cash straightened his shirt. “you know what? i’m going to go talk to
your boyfriend,” he told Edge.

“Excellent idea,” Edge
said dryly, returning his attention to his drink.

Cash placed a hand on
his hip, giving Edge a questioning look. “you’re not going to join me?”

Edge shook his head.
“He’s all yours.” He considered, glancing at Stretch. “And Razz’s.”

Cash scowled, noting
how close Razz was sitting to Stretch. “i’ll go save him,” he said decisively,
finishing the remainder of his drink (it was the fourth one, right? Or… was it
the fifth?) and marching towards where Razz was leaning against Stretch. Razz
looked up as he approached, and his sockets widened briefly.

“Wow.” He blinked,
sitting up straight. “You’re looking…”

“he still looks like
an asshole to me,” Stretch interjected, smirking. Cash rolled his eyes,
dropping onto the couch beside Stretch—and effectively sandwiching him between
himself and Razz. Stretch looked a little flustered, shifting in his seat.

“that’s because i
still am an asshole,” Cash said, and Stretch laughed weakly. Cash glanced over
Stretch’s shoulder at Razz. “though please—feel free to finish your sentence.
i’m in the mood to be flattered.”

Razz simpered, taking
a sip from his glass of red wine. “I’m not sure it’s the type of compliment
you’d utter in polite company.”

Stretch glanced
between them, before leaning closer to Cash. “i think he wants to fuck you,” he
whispered—loud enough for Razz to hear.

Deep purple magic rose
to Razz’s cheekbones, and he frowned, quickly turning away and finishing the
remainder of his drink. “I… think I need a refill,” he muttered, standing
hurriedly and making his way over to the bar.

Stretch turned to Cash
and shrugged. “guess he doesn’t like being called out,” he said simply, sipping
his drink.

“though i suppose you
knew that.” Cash levelled Stretch with a knowing smile, and Stretch grinned.

“you’re welcome.”
Stretch’s cheekbones were slightly flushed—though whether it was the alcohol,
or… something else—Cash couldn’t be sure. He was smiling though, even as he
looked away and dipped his head, taking another sip of his drink.

Across the room, Cash
caught Twist watching them. He was grinning, and gave Cash a quick wink before
turning and leaving the room. Cash’s gaze wandered over to where Papyrus, Slim,
and Red were sitting. Slim glanced up, catching his eye for a moment. He
offered Cash a small smile, before turning back to Papyrus and Red. Cash’s soul
felt light.

“how have you been
then, pirate?” Stretch asked, drawing Cash’s attention away from Slim. “i…
haven’t seen much of you this past week.”

Cash nodded, feeling
guilty. “i—i’m sorry,” he said, awkwardly. In truth, being around Stretch had
been a little difficult after Cash had eliminated his brother. Though Stretch didn’t
seem to be holding it against him, at least. Cash cleared his throat, shifting
in his seat and suddenly wishing he’d been wise enough to order another drink
while he’d still been at the bar.

“you know, um…”
Stretch slowly shifted closer to Cash, their legs brushing against each other.
“razz is kind of a dick, but—well, he wasn’t lying. you do look…” Stretch
trailed off suddenly, as if his spark of confidence had dwindled.

“fuckable?” Cash
suggested, smirking as Stretch blushed hotly. Stretch quickly shook his head,
laughing faintly.

“sorry. that’s not
what i—”

“it’s alright,” Cash
murmured, leaning in. He felt Stretch twitch as he settled his hand on his
femur. Cash closed his eyes, resting his head on Stretch’s shoulder as he
rubbed smooth circles over his leg. “you always smell so nice,” he breathed,
nuzzling against Stretch. “so sweet.” He giggled softly. “like honey.”

Stretch went still
beneath him, but Cash could feel the involuntary warmth emanating from him.
Then—without warning—Stretch jumped up, coughing stiffly. “i’m uh—i’m going to
get another drink!” he declared loudly, his eyes darting away from Cash.
“oh—look, slim’s here! have fun, you two.”

Cash blinked as
Stretch hurried away, his gaze slowly travelling to Slim, who was standing a
few feet away. He rocked back and forth on his feet, his head ducked. “hey…
cash,” he said at length. He glanced over his shoulder at Stretch’s retreating
form. “sorry—was i interrupting—?”

Cash quickly waved him
off, slumping further back into the sofa’s cushions. “nah… think i scared ‘im
off, actually.” He yawned, closing his eyes. “wha’s up?”

“do you… mind if i
sit?”

Cash cracked open a
socket to find Slim watching him awkwardly, a tint of magic colouring his
cheekbones. Cash shrugged. “go for it.”

Slim sat down beside
him—significantly further away than Stretch had been, Cash noted. He regarded
Cash for a moment, his features slowly sinking into a frown. “are you… how many
have you had?” he asked, hesitantly.

Cash levelled him with
a dull look, sinking further into his seat. “don’t worry, precious—i can handle
my rum. i’ve had plenty of practice.” Slim still looked unconvinced, worry
lining his features. Sighing, Cash hoisted himself up, shuffling closer to Slim
and holding his gaze steadily (at least, what he hoped was steadily). “want me
to prove it? fine.” He stood up, lifting his brow-bones at Slim. “i’ll walk a
straight line—just for you, sweetheart.”

Slim’s frown had
softened into something a little more amused. He leaned back and folded his
arms, giving Cash a nod. “go on, then.”

Taking a deep breath,
Cash stared straight ahead, holding his arms out. The room was swaying
slightly, but he ignored it, taking a tentative step forward. Immediately, his
foot caught on… the carpet? He wasn’t certain. But the next moment he was falling,
the floor rushing towards him at an alarming speed.

A strong pair of arms
looped around his waist, holding him steady and pulling him to his feet. Cash
blinked, turning around slowly. “oh. it’s you.”

Razz folded his arms,
a smile twitching at the corners of his mouth. “You’re an amusing drunk, I’ll
give you that.” Cash swayed on his feet and Razz frowned, quickly catching him
with an arm around his hips. “Why don’t you sit down?” He grinned up at Cash.
“It would be a waste of a pretty face if you stumbled into the fireplace or
something.”

Cash looked at Razz,
narrowing his eye socket. “see? you were almost a nice person for a second
there.”

“I’m not a nice
person,” Razz said, flatly. Cash shrugged in agreement, and allowed Razz to
guide him back into his spot beside Slim—who appeared to be having trouble
stifling his laughter.

“s’not funny,” Cash
grumbled, resting his head in his hands. “i could’ve died.”

This only served to enhance
Slim’s giggles, and he pressed his hand over his mouth while Cash glared at
him. “sorry,” he mumbled. “but…” He glanced over Cash’s shoulder at his
brother. “you are pretty amusing.”

Cash folded his arms
and looked between the two brothers, pouting. “but—i’m still sexy, right?”

This silenced Slim
immediately, but Razz laughed softly, nodding and leaning in. “Profoundly so,”
he whispered—though surprisingly, his voice lacked its usual sultriness, and he
appeared to be keeping his hands to himself (for a change).

Cash narrowed his
sockets, unconvinced. “does that mean you want to fuck me?” he asked, an
element of teasing to his tone.

Razz lifted a
brow-bone, withdrawing. “I’ll wait until you’re sober,” he said, plainly, his
smile fading.

“why?” Cash asked,
watching him closely. He could feel Slim growing tense beside him, but his
focus was on Razz, who looked bemused.

At length, Razz sighed
deeply, his expression turning firm. “I may be an asshole, Cash—but I’m not
that kind of asshole.” Cash was silent, unable to break eye contact with Razz.

Swallowing, he nodded,
finally dropping his gaze. “right… sorry.”

Razz closed his hand
around Cash’s, smirking. “Don’t worry about it, precious.” He dipped his head,
kissing Cash’s knuckles lightly before standing. “I think I’m going to find
myself another drink—when you’re not so inebriated, come and find me and I’ll
gladly take you up on your offer.”

“maybe i will,” Cash
said loudly as Razz walked away, earning him a wink over Razz’s shoulder. He
slid further down on the sofa, humming sleepily. Beside him, Slim was fidgeting
uncomfortably, his shoulders stiff. Cash’s eye wandered up to him, and he
grinned dopily. “you know… you’re kinda sexy too.”

Slim visibly flinched,
startling and turning quickly to stare at Cash. “i—what?”

“yeah…” Cash leaned
in, pressing his face against Slim’s sternum to try and stop his head from
spinning. “hmm, an’ you smell nice—nearly as nice as honey.”

“h-honey?”

Cash pointed in the
general direction of the bar. “edgelord’s boyfriend,” he clarified, snickering
against Slim’s chest. He could feel Slim’s chest rising and falling rapidly,
and he could sense the pleasant heat of his magic when he was this close. “can
i sleep here?” he whispered, entwining his fingers in Slim’s shirt.

Slim was speechless.
Cash glanced up, grinning when Slim opened his mouth to talk—before shutting it
abruptly, his cheekbones glowing brightly.

“Wealthy Me—Small Me!”

Cash drew away,
looking up to see Papyrus and Red approaching. They sat on the sofa across from
himself and Slim, placing three small shot glasses on the coffee table. Cash
eyed them curiously.

Red was holding a
clear vodka bottle. “proposition fer ya,” he said, leaning forward and placing
the bottle heavily on the table. “three shots a’ vodka—or three minutes in the
closet with paps.”

“Red! That was not our
deal!” Papyrus levelled Red with a firm stare as he chuckled, giving a wave of
his hand.

“aw, c’mon paps—look
at ‘im. how could ya resist a face like that?”

Cash beamed at Papyrus—but
he still appeared unconvinced. “Our deal was—if
Wealthy Me could finish three shots of vodka, he would—”

“but what if i wanna spend three minutes in the closet
with you, paps?” They all turned to Cash—Papyrus looked bewildered, while Red only
seemed intrigued. To his left, Cash could feel Slim watching him suspiciously.
Rising to his feet—and catching onto Slim when he wobbled a little—Cash
stumbled over to Papyrus and Red, wedging himself between them on the sofa. He
turned to Papyrus, leaning in and cupping his face with both his hands. “you
are very, uh…” He paused, trying to conjure the right word. “pa-perfect,” he
decided, pleased with himself.

Papyrus looked
dubious, gently prying him off. “I am flattered, Wealthy Me, but I’m afraid
those are not terms I can agree to.”

Cash slouched into the
sofa’s cushions and folded his arms, pouting. “why not?”

Papyrus cleared his
throat, giving Red a deliberate look. “Well—Red was part of the bargain too!
Don’t you think you ought to offer him your affections as well?”

Languidly, Cash turned
his head to look at Red, whose cheeks were glowing. “uh—that’s alright, pap,”
Red said quickly, looking strained. “spare ‘im a little grief, why don’t ya?”

“no…” Cash hummed,
shuffling across the cushions and placing a hand on Red’s arm to balance
himself. He examined him from head to toe, before nodding decisively. “i want
you too.” He giggled to himself as Red blushed deeper, glancing over his
shoulder at Papyrus. “both of you! i want both.”

“ya need ta take the
shots first,” Red reminded Cash as he slumped forward, burying his head against
Red’s chest.

“can i just… have a
nap first?” Cash mumbled against Red’s shirt. “just here.”

“Nope!” Papyrus said,
pulling him off Red. He caught him as he slumped, holding him steady. “Shots
first.”

Cash eyed the three
glasses on the table, frowning. “they’re empty.” Somewhere in the background,
he thought he could hear snickering.

“gimme a chance,
kiddo,” Red said, clambering off the sofa. Cash watched as he filled the small
glasses. On the other side of the table, Slim was observing him with a look of
concern.

“why so glum, puppy?”
Cash asked. “it’s a party!”

Slim’s frown deepened,
and he shook his head. “don’t you think he’s had enough?” he asked quietly, glancing
between Papyrus and Red

Papyrus and Red looked
at each other for a few seconds, before simultaneously shaking their heads. “Nope!”
Papyrus said. “Keep pouring, Red.”

“it’s fer science,”
Red told Slim, winking. “we’re gonna test ta see if he can recite the alphabet
from h-to-o once he’s done. go ahead, bud,” he added once he’d finished pouring,
glancing at Cash.

Cash leaned forward,
Papyrus holding his shoulders to keep him balanced. He lifted the first glass
and tipped it back—though his magic was a little less than stable, and some of
the liquid dribbled down his chin when his tongue took a few extra seconds to
form. He laughed, sliding onto the floor and leaning against the table. “huh.
tastes like… nothing.” He frowned, licking the remainder of the vodka off his
chin. “i think there’s something wrong with me. my taste buds are gone!” He
turned frantically to look at Papyrus and Red.

Red had his face
buried in his elbow, harsh laughter shaking his chest. Papyrus was a little
more composed, but his grin was significantly broader than usual. “Perhaps you
should have another!” he said. “Just to make sure.”

Cash nodded, turning back
to the remaining two glasses. His gaze fell on Slim, who had his teeth pressed
together, as if trying to stifle his laughter. “why do you enjoy seeing me
suffer, pup?” Cash asked sulkily.

Slim blushed slightly,
shaking his head. “it’s… sweet.”

Cash couldn’t quite
comprehend what Slim was trying to say, so he reached for the second glass. But
he was stopped as someone’s hand closed around his wrist. “hey…” He glanced up,
blinking the flashing dots from his eye to try and make out who it was.

“Alrigh’, you two, ya’ve
had yer fun,” Twist said, pinning Red and Papyrus with a cold glare as he
helped hoist Cash to his feet. “Dihydrogen monoxide is no laughin’ matter.” Cash
stumbled, and Twist held him against his side. “C’mon, sweethear’—I think it’s
time fer bed… Sans?”

Cash blinked, dazed as
a second pair of arms wrapped around his torso, keeping him upright. “heya,
pal,” Sans murmured. “let’s get you upstairs, yeah?”

“where have you been?” Cash admonished, glaring at
Sans—who was wavering slightly. In fact, the entire room seemed a little
distorted.

“Sans!” Papyrus
groaned. “We’re just trying to keep our friend hydrated. Why must you rain on
our parade?”

Sans chuckled quietly,
adjusting his hold on Cash, who was having trouble remaining on his feet. “dunno
what to tell you, paps—dihydrogen monoxide is a dangerous substance.”

Still leaning against
Sans, Cash stared at Papyrus, his eyes going wide. “did you poison me?” he gasped.
To his confoundment, they all started snickering. “pa—papyrus? am i going to
die?” he reiterated, suddenly panicking.

Quickly gathering
himself, Papyrus shook his head. “I can assure you, Wealthy Me—I myself
consumed dihydrogen monoxide just this morning. And look at me! I’m completely
fine.”

“water you talking
about, bro?” Sans asked, frowning. “you’re looking a bit pale.”

Cash looked between
them suspiciously, but they only grinned at him. Tired, he leaned back into
Sans’ arms, causing him to stumble slightly. “just… take me to bed, assholes.”

“If ya say so,
Patches,” Twist murmured, helping Sans escort him across the room. Cash could
feel the amused stares of the other skeletons on him as they walked, but he
hardly had the inclination to care. He leaned into Sans, his eye sockets
fluttering closed as he was half-dragged across the main hall.

“stairs,” Sans
whispered to him, and Cash groaned softly, coming to a halt. He slumped against
Twist, who chuckled.

“Alrigh’, Patches,
here we go.” Cash gave a faint squeak of surprise as Twist lifted him into his
arms, carrying him up the stairs as Sans trailed behind them. Cash clung to
Twist, his head falling against his shoulder as drowsiness slowly began to take
over.

“fun night?” Sans
asked him. Cash hummed in response, shrugging, and Sans laughed. “seemed like
you were having a good time when i arrived.”

“where were you?” Cash
asked, his voice heavy and groggy. “didn’t see you.”

“eh…” Sans looked a
bit awkward, scratching the back of his skull. “parties aren’t really my thing.
sorry, bud.”

“s’okay,” Cash
mumbled, his eyes falling closed again.

“I managed ta track ‘im
down eventually,” Twist said as he pushed open Cash’s bedroom door. “He
promised to help clean up in case ya couldn’ stomach all that rum.”

“don’t remember
agreeing to that,” Sans said darkly, but Twist only snickered. He lay Cash
carefully on the bed, tucking a pillow beneath his head as Sans pulled his
shoes off and placed a blanket over him. Cash vaguely noticed the mattress
shifting as Sans sat down beside him.

“i’m, uh, really sorry
i couldn’t make it,” Sans said, his voice quiet. “looks like it was a wild
night.”

Cash tried to shake
his head, but he wasn’t quite sure if he managed it. Everything was spinning. “thanks
for… helping me. i like my bed.”

Sans chuckled, patting
his shoulder. “you and me both, bud.” Surveying Cash for a few moments, he
asked, “you gonna be okay?” Cash only hummed softly in response, already succumbing
to sleep. He felt Sans give his arm a gentle squeeze. “take care of yourself,
pal,” he murmured, before standing and heading for the door.

“We’ll see ya
tomorrow, Patches,” Twist called. “Ceremony’s at noon.”

Groaning, Cash buried his
face in his pillow, praying for the sweet release of sleep.

Who will Cash eliminate this round?

Vote here to have your say!

The Bonechelor – Round 1 Bone Ceremony

Round 1 (previous)

Round 2 (next)

The votes are in–which means one of our eight contestants is about to be eliminated, in…. The Bone Ceremony.

Who will Cash pick? Who will not earn his favour this round? Who will not be receiving a beautifully crafted bone from our fine bachelor? Find out below!

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Cash examined the coin
between his fingers, moving it across his knuckles and watching the way the
sunlight glinted off its surface. He stared out his open bedroom window onto
the gardens below; the sun was peaking over the horizon, bathing the orchards
and flowerbeds in orange. The air smelled sweet and clean—like fresh rain and
blossoming spring.

Cash was startled out
of his thoughts by a knock on the door. He swallowed, quickly shoving his coin
back in his pocket. “yeah?” he called.

The door opened, and
Twist strolled in, hands in his pockets. “Mornin’, Patches. Yer up early.” Cash
merely turned away, glancing back towards the open window. The futon shifted as
Twist slumped down beside him, leaning back against the windowsill. “Ready fer
the Ceremony?”

Cash shrugged. “nothing
to be ready for—i’ve just got to pick someone i don’t like and get rid of them.”

Twist chuckled softly.
“S’pose so.” He went quiet, and Cash could feel the scrutiny of his gaze. He
tried to ignore it, leaning his head against the window’s frame and closing his
eyes, taking a deep breath of crisp morning air.

For some time, silence
reigned, but for the soft twittering of birds and the rustle of wind in the
trees below. When at last Twist rose to his feet, he leaned down, giving Cash’s
shoulder a gentle squeeze of reassurance. “Ceremony’s in ‘n hour—I’ll come an’
get ya when yer ready.” Cash nodded, but didn’t look at Twist, still dozing
lightly against the window. “Got someone in mind?” Twist asked.

Cash considered,
before nodding. “yeah. think so.”

Twist hummed
thoughtfully, socket narrowing as he watched Cash. “Hope yer not gonna do
somethin’ stupid, kid,” he said.

Cash turned to look at
him, frowning. “i can pick whoever i want to pick, twisted.”

“’Course ya can—an’ I
won’ stop ya. But I don’ wanna see ya sabotagin’ yerself.”

“what’s that supposed
to mean?” Cash asked, irritation slipping into his voice.

Twist watched him for moment,
surveying his features in consideration. But after a pause, he chuckled.
Shoving his hands back into his pockets, he turned for the door. “Nothin’,
sweethear’. See you in ‘n hour—an’ ya’d better have yer bones ready,” he added
with a wink.

He was gone before
Cash could ask what on earth that was supposed to mean.

****

All eight contestants
were waiting for Cash when Twist led him down the stairs to the main hallway.
Cash rolled his eye at the way Twist had arranged them—in a neat line, awaiting
his approval (or reproval). He could feel their eyes following him as he
descended the stairs, and dipped his head, scowling. Twist leaned in when they
reached the foot of the staircase. “Need me ta go over it again?” he whispered,
a hint of amusement touching his voice.

“no,” Cash snapped.
The word came out a little louder than he’d intended, and a few of the others
looked up in surprise.

Twist only snickered,
shrugging. “Alright, present ‘em with yer bones then.”

Cash smacked his arm
before turning to face the other eight skeletons. They were all silent,
watching him carefully. He swallowed and ducked his head, suddenly anxious.
Thankfully, Twist seemed to sense his discomfort, and quickly cleared his
throat, surveying the others. “Hey assholes—hope you all had fun with our bachelor
on yer first dates. But now ‘e’s gotta pick which a’ ya he wants ta offer ‘is
bone—so ta speak.” Twist nudged Cash with his elbow—but it only earned him a
hard glare. Twist chuckled, giving a cursory wave of his hand. “Sorry. ‘e’s not
really a mornin’ person—‘less ya catch ‘im in
the mood,
y’know?”

Cash pinched his nasal
bridge, sighing. “alright—let’s just… get on with this.” He looked up, glancing
over the eight contestants. With a deep breath, he summoned a small, violet
bone—about the length of his forearm. The atmosphere felt heavy with tension,
and Cash shifted uncomfortably beneath the gazes of the other skeletons.

With a decisive
exhale, he approached Stretch—arguably the least intimidating of the
contestants. Cash forced himself to meet Stretch’s gaze as he handed him the
bone, muttering, “you’re through, ashtray,” beneath his breath.

Stretch smirked,
holding the bone between two fingers and lifting a brow-bone. “you’re one sweet-talker,
moneybags.” Cash rolled his eye—but despite Stretch’s nonchalance, his
cheekbones were tinged with a light dusting of golden magic. He passed Cash,
standing beside Twist, who threw an arm over his shoulders, whispering
something to him. Cash tried to ignore Stretch’s soft laughter, focusing on the
task at hand.

He summoned a second
bone and handed it to Edge. “guess it would be cruel of me to separate you from
your boyfriend,” he mumbled, unable to meet Edge’s sharp gaze.

Edge sighed stiffly,
taking the bone. “You’re amusing, pirate.” His eyes flickered quickly to
Stretch, and his cheekbones glowed slightly. “Not all of us are made for comedy
though,” he added tersely, before quickly making his way to Twist’s side.

Next, Cash approached
Red—who seemed surprised. He took the bone slowly, blinking up at Cash. “you,
uh, sure yer makin’ the right decision here, bud?” he asked, lowering his
voice. “didn’ really think i was…”

Cash smirked, leaning
in. “start offering me a cigarette brand of actual quality? and i might even consider
passing you through the next round as well.”

Red chuckled, running
a hand over the back of his skull. “jus’ might have ta then, kiddo.” He made
his way to Edge’s side, and Cash caught him shooting a proud grin up at his
brother.

Glancing over the five
remaining skeletons, Cash summoned another purple bone. He walked up to
Papyrus, who beamed as he was handed the bone. “A wise choice, Wealthy Me!” he
declared, holding the bone proudly in both his hands. “I shall cherish this
victory—and you, if you allow me to!”

Flustered, Cash
nodded, stammering a quick thank you as Papyrus hurried to stand beside Edge
and Red. Cheekbones still warm, he summoned another bone. His hands trembled as
he glanced over the remaining four skeletons. He hesitated and closed his eye
socket, reminding himself to breathe. When he’d gathered his resolve, he walked
over to Slim. Fingers trembling, he quickly shoved the bone into Slim’s hands. “here
you go,” he mumbled beneath his breath, coughing slightly when his voice emerged
raspy.

Slim blinked for a
moment, a tint of amber slowly rising to his cheekbones. “th-thanks,” he
stuttered. For a few seconds, he remained where he was, looking awkward.

“you, um—go stand by twist,”
Cash told him, his eye fixed on a section of the wall over Slim’s shoulder.

“right,” Slim
whispered, quickly hurrying to Twist’s side. Cash watched him, not missing the
wink Twist shot him as he knuckled the crown of Slim’s skull. Hurriedly turning
away, Cash surveyed the three final options.

In truth, choosing
between Sans, Blue, and Razz had been difficult. Cash had spent much of the
previous night weighing up the pros and cons of eliminating each of them. Blue—while
sweet and enthusiastic—was a little overwhelming. And though some of Razz’s
flirting had been… a little uncalled for, Cash couldn’t deny that he appreciated
having someone around to remind him that he was little more than a mere object
in all of this. Spending time with someone like Slim or Stretch could be a
little deluding. And while Sans was a lot easier to be around than most, Cash
could tell that he didn’t really want to be here.

In the end though,
Cash’s decision had been influenced by something out of the control of the
three skeletons before him. With a deep breath, he summoned a bone, and handed
it to Sans.

Sans lifted his brow-bones,
his smile slipping slightly. “uh…”

“sorry,” Cash said,
hurriedly, lifting his chin and breathing in sharply. “i—i know you’re not
exactly… a fan of this. but…”

Sans’ grin returned
and he shook his head. “nah, ‘s alright, pal.” He gave Cash’s shoulder a pat. “i’m
happy to stick around a little longer.”

“thank you,” Cash said,
quietly. Sans gave him a knowing look as he joined the others around Twist,
twirling the violet bone between his fingers.

Turning to Razz and
Blue, Cash inhaled—long and deep—before summoning a bone and handing it to
Razz.

For a few seconds,
neither of them moved. Razz held the bone as if it were about to go off,
looking between it and Cash, his features slowly creasing into a frown. “Is—is this
some kind of joke?” he asked, his tone clipped. “Because, truthfully, I don’t
appreciate—”

“calm down, asshole,
it’s not a joke,” Cash said, dryly. Razz narrowed his eye sockets, examining
Cash’s features carefully. Then, slowly, his confoundment melted into smugness.
He glanced at Blue, who was looking crestfallen, the permanent smile completely
wiped from his expression.

“i’m sorry, blue,”
Cash said softly. “it’s…”

“No,” Blue said
cheerfully, though his voice broke a little on the word. “It’s—it’s completely
fine. I understand.”

Cash shook his head,
sighing. “it’s not… it’s not personal. you just…” He met Blue’s deep cyan eyes—their
colour all too familiar for his liking. Quickly looking away, he scowled at the
floor, burying his hands in his pockets. “sorry,” he mumbled.

Blue was shaking his
head, his smile slowly pushing its way back onto his face. “No—don’t
a-apologise. I—I don’t mind. Really.”

Cash nodded, glancing
away from Blue. Behind him, the other skeletons were watching the display,
their expressions a mixture of pity and confusion. Gently, Stretch extracted
himself from under Twist’s arm, coming to stand before his brother. “blue…” He
tilted Blue’s chin, their gazes meeting. “are you okay?”

“Of course I am!” Blue
said forcefully, even as he wiped the tears from the corners of his eye
sockets. “It’s—oh, I’m just being silly. I… I just get a little…”

Stretch nodded his
understanding, smiling. “yeah. i know, bro.”

Guilt prickling at his
soul, Cash turned away from the brothers.

****

“am i… am i an asshole?”

Twist glanced up at
Cash from his spot on the carpet in front of the fire. “Yeah,” he said,
shrugging. He hesitated, frowning before saying, “Oh wait—yer talkin’ about the
Bone Ceremony?” Cash gave him a dull look. “Nah. Yer alright, Patches. One of ‘em
had ta go.”

“i… i should have
eliminated razz,” Cash muttered, scowling at the carpet. “or sans—he doesn’t
even want to be here.”

Twist offered him a
sympathetic smile. Climbing to his feet, he approached Cash, throwing an arm
over his shoulders and leaning in. “There’s always next week, precious.”

Cash groaned at the
reminder, too tired to do anything but accept Twist’s gentle pat of
consolation.

The Bonechelor – Round 1

Introductions (previous)

Round 1 Bone Ceremony (next)

Week 1: Group Dates

Our esteemed bachelor is faced with the daunting task of going on multiple dates with the eight contestants. Fortunately for Cash, Twist has paired the contestants off to make things… a little less exhausting for our poor socially awkward boy.

But are some of the pairings a little too much for Cash to handle? Find out below!

Don’t forget to vote for who you want to be eliminated this round! The link will be at the end of the chapter and the poll will be open for a few days. Results of the poll will be announced at the end of the week with the first Bone Ceremony (not as sexy as it sounds).

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“So… yer schedule fer
today—ah, ya got Blue an’ Red up first, then later yer havin’ dinner with Pap
an’—hey, why so glum, Patches?”

Cash leaned back in
his armchair, pressing his fingers against his nasal bridge and sighing deeply.
“forgive me for bearing little enthusiasm for the notion of being auctioned off
like this.”

Twist smiled solemnly,
looking up from his clipboard and patting Cash’s shoulder affectionately. “Aw,
sweethear’, no one’s forcin’ ya ta do this. Yer the boss here—ya wanna call it
off, jus’ say the word.”

Cash gazed at the
burning logs in the hearth before him, the flames sparking and crackling.
Closing his eye, he inhaled deeply, the warm smoky scent soothing him. “no,” he
said at last. “just… who’s the dinner with?”

Twist grinned, turning
back to his clipboard. “Paps—an’ the Razzberry.”

Cash clenched his teeth,
and nodded stiffly, taking another deep breath. “right. great. fantastic.”

“An’ tomorrow mornin’
ya have Stretch an’ Edge fer breakfast,” Twist added, meeting Cash’s eye with a
smirk. “Delicious combo in my opinion.”

Cash blinked, lifting
a brow-bone. “stretch and edge? is that wise?”

Twist shrugged.
“Nah—but i’s entertainin’.”

“for whom?” Cash
muttered beneath his breath, slumping further into his armchair and leaning his
forehead against the palm of his hand.

“Slim an’ Sans fer
dinner after tha’—figured I’d let ya off easy fer the last one.” Twist knuckled
the crown of Cash’s skull, climbing off the chair’s arm. “Don’ worry,
love—you’ll knock ‘em dead.”

Cash rolled his eye,
folding his arms in contempt. “if they don’t knock me dead first.”

****

Red was the first to
arrive at Cash’s bedroom door the next morning. Surprisingly, he appeared to
have dressed for the occasion—well, inasmuch as one could expect from him. He’d
discarded his normal shorts for a pair of smart jeans, and his jacket looked as
if it might have been washed.

“heya, stash,” Red
said, giving Cash a mock-salute. “lookin’ fine.”

Cash could only nod in
response, swallowing down the nerves building in his chest. He shoved his hands
in his pockets and stared at the floor while they waited for Blue. Red seemed
unperturbed by Cash’s unresponsiveness, leaning against the doorframe and
watching him casually. After a few minutes of silence, he reached into his
pocket, pulling out a pack of cigarettes. “smoke?” he asked, offering the box
to Cash.

Cash regarded the
brand with thinly veiled contempt, but accepted the offer nonetheless. He was
feeling rather jittery, after all. Red grinned at him as he lit his cigarette,
his gaze wandering over Cash—perhaps in a more curious than sultry manner. “not
really up ta scratch fer ya, are they?” he asked, taking a long drag and
breathing smoke from his nasal aperture.

“they’re fine,” Cash
muttered, inhaling the smoke and allowing it to curl in his ribcage. He tipped
his head back and let it flow between his teeth. Already, the unsteady hum of
his magic seemed to have settled.

Both Cash and Red’s
gazes were drawn by the sound of boots echoing off the marble floors. They
looked up to see Blue walking towards them, his shoulders drawn up proudly, and
a broad smile plastered across his face. Cash noticed the expression falter as
his eyes landed on their cigarettes, but he composed himself quickly. “Cash,”
he greeted, smiling brightly as he reached them. “Red,” he added, with a
cursory nod in Red’s direction. “I apologise for keeping you waiting.”

“no big, kid,” Red
said, his eyes not leaving Cash. “we were just chattin’.”

“Were you now?” Blue’s
gaze wandered briefly to Red, before returning to settle on Cash. “Well, you’re
looking lovely, Cash. Purple really is your colour!” He reached a hand up, as
if to place it on Cash’s arm—before quickly letting it drop, reconsidering.
Cash was more than relieved.

Red sniffed, pressing
his cigarette out against the doorframe and dropping the remnants into his
pocket. “ready ta head out?” he asked Cash.

“Oh, actually—I have
something to give to you, Cash,” Blue said, beaming.

Cash blinked, taken
aback. “oh, uh…” Reaching into his inventory, Blue produced a single violet
flower, the petals long and thin. Cash felt himself flushing as Blue handed it
to him. “it’s… a flower,” he remarked.

“An iris!” Blue told
him, proudly. “It has a number of significant meanings—though in this case, I’m
giving it to you as a gift of admiration.”

Flustered, Cash
swallowed, taking the flower and staring at it as if it were a very complicated
puzzle. “a-admiration for what?”

Blue faltered, and
Cash caught Red scoffing out of the corner of his eye socket. “W-well,” Blue
said, pausing for a moment, “I suppose I do admire your… candour.” Red appeared
to be having a lot of difficulty hiding his snickers, but Blue’s smile was
fierce. “And of course—your durability!”

“my… durability?” Cash
asked, a smirk twitching at the corners of his mouth as Blue’s eyes widened
with realisation.

“I—I mean
your—emotional durability! Not… not physical…” He trailed off, his cheekbones
glowing. “Shall we go, then?” he asked, a little forcefully.

“sure ya don’ have any
other admirations ya’d like ta share abou’ cash’s physicality?” Red asked, his
grin wide. “aren’t ya gonna ask him what his stamina’s like?”

“No! That isn’t
necessary,” Blue said, smiling pleasantly, and quickly looping his arm around
Cash’s. He was flushing so brightly, Cash felt a little more at ease about his
own nerves—or perhaps it was the lingering effects of the cigarette smoke.
Either way, his doubts about this first date had been adequately lessened.

Their brunch passed
smoothly—though Red seemed intent on bringing up Blue’s accidental slip-up
every ten or so minutes. Cash didn’t mind though. It took some of the attention
off him, and allowed him to lie back and listen to them bickering
good-naturedly while he ate.

Blue seemed fairly
insistent on showering him with praise—some of which Cash wasn’t entirely
inclined to believe. Especially when he started gushing about Cash’s
generosity. His bright demeanour was oddly relaxing however—Cash was more than
content to let him do most of the talking.

Red was a little more
reserved, only chipping in to contribute the occasional pun (or to ask Blue
what he thought of Cash’s sex-drive). He also seemed to be having a hard time
actually looking Cash in the eye—every time their gazes met, he would quickly
look away, sometimes clearing his throat or wringing his hands together.

When they departed at
the end of the ‘date’, Red fist-bumped him—and Blue touched his teeth to the
back of Cash’s hand in a light kiss. Cash was left so flustered, he almost
forgot that he was meant to be meeting Papyrus and Razz for their dinner-date
in a few hours.

Once again, a heavy
pit of dread settled in his soul.

****

“Wealthy Me!”

Cash flinched as
Papyrus leaned in—but instead of the expected hug, he touched his teeth to
Cash’s cheekbone in a light kiss. Cash had to remind himself not to gape as
Papyrus drew away. “Ah, I can always appreciate a Papyrus who dresses well,”
Papyrus said, beaming as he glanced over Cash.

“As can I.” They
looked up to see Razz approaching. He was smiling; Cash found the expression… a
little unsettling. He hummed as he reached them, regarding Cash appreciatively.
“Well, don’t you look dashing, love—that shade of plum suits you.” He
considered for a moment, his eye sockets narrowed. “Though I daresay—I would
far prefer to see you without all those layers on.”

“Razzberry!” Papyrus
scolded. “That is no way to speak to someone before the date has even begun.”
He leaned in, lowering his voice so that only Cash could hear him. “We ought to
save that for dessert~”

Cash’s face burned
under the combined attentions of both Razz and Papyrus, and he stammered
slightly, trying to scramble for a response. Chuckling softly, Razz took his
arm, smoothing his fingers over the back of Cash’s hand. “I’m not sure you’re
quite equipped to take care of someone so deliciously impeccable, Papyrus,” he
said coolly, smirking at Papyrus.

Papyrus sniffed
primly, taking Cash’s free hand and clasping it between both of his own. “I can’t
imagine someone of Cash’s taste would lower
his standards to your extent, Razzberry,” he quipped.

Razz’s face twitched,
but he collected himself, drawing his shoulders up. “I suppose we’ll have to
let him decide for himself who possesses the finesse required to satisfy him.”
He turned to Cash, his face melting into a salacious smile. “I’m sure we can trust
that you’ll come to the right decision, precious.”

“I’m sure we can,”
Papyrus said, squeezing Cash’s arm a little tighter.

Caught between them,
Cash could only nod, squeezing his eye sockets shut for a moment to regather
his composure. “right, um… could we maybe just have dinner first?” He tugged
his arms out of their grips, shoving his hands in his pockets.

Papyrus blinked,
quickly clearing his throat and drawing away. “Of course—my apologies, Wealthy
Me. It was not my intention to bring you any discomfort.”

Cash waved him off.
“i’m sure.” He shot Razz a frown, his sockets narrowed. “can’t say i’ve ever
trusted your intentions though, short-stack.”

Razz laughed softly,
though a trace of irritation tainted the sound. “So, you’re not just a pretty
face then, beanpole?” He hummed thoughtfully, leaning in. Cash’s breath caught
as Razz’s fingers grazed the base of his spine. “I’m sure there are other
pretty things about you too~”

“l-let’s head out,”
Cash rasped, swallowing back the magic settling in his mandible. He was
grateful when Papyrus smiled at him gently—the expression was a welcome balm to
the feeling of Razz’s arm around his waist (though Cash couldn’t deny the small
part of him that flickered with excitement when Razz’s fingers crept over his
iliac crest).

Surprisingly, the
evening passed smoothly. Well. As smoothly as one might expect with Razz
present. Though he behaved himself for the most part, his fingers would often
creep over Cash’s femur or brush across his ribs or spine. And he seemed completely
aware of the effect the ministrations were having on Cash, his smile smug but
enticing. For the most part however, he didn’t cross any boundaries.

Papyrus—while not
quite as forward as Razz—was fairly flirtatious himself. His compliments were a
lot gentler however, and his smiles were sweet enough to leave Cash with a
pleasant tingle in his chest. He listened intently to Cash whenever he spoke,
and when Razz’s mouth turned a little sour, he would quickly change the subject
to something more agreeable.

At the end of the
night, Papyrus hugged Cash tightly—and strangely, it felt nice. Razz was a
little less reserved, kissing Cash’s cheek delicately, while allowing his hands
to wonder over his spine and ribs. Cash shivered beneath the touch (and it
wasn’t an entirely unpleasant feeling).

When he finally made
it to bed, his magic was more than a little stirred. Whether it was a result of
Papyrus’ open kindness, or Razz’s unadulterated flirting—Cash couldn’t be entirely
certain.

****

When Cash emerged from
his room the next morning, Stretch and Edge were waiting for him on the landing
above the stairs. They were speaking in hushed voices, but glanced up when he
appeared. Stretch’s face broke out into a smile. “morning, patches.”

Cash blinked,
surprised (and a little suspicious) at Stretch’s use of Twist’s nickname for
him. But he nodded in response. “stretch—edgelord.” Edge offered him a
courteous tilt of his head, his features stiffly neutral.

Cash swallowed,
glancing between them. In truth, this was probably the date he’d been the most
doubtful of. It was common knowledge among the skeletons that Stretch and Edge
shared… a special sort of bond (though neither of them would ever admit to such
a thing). Amidst their banter was a hidden spark, and Cash couldn’t help but
feel that he was intruding upon something very personal.

His misgivings were
almost immediately dispelled however, when Stretch approached him and took his
hand. His smile was unwaveringly sweet, and the glow of magic on his cheekbones
revealed a trace of his own nervousness. The knowledge that he wasn’t the only
one with doubts calmed Cash considerably. He allowed Stretch to link their
fingers together, going so far as to return Stretch’s gentle squeeze of
reassurance.

Edge… was a somewhat
different matter. He hesitated before approaching them, and glanced down at
Cash’s hand with uncertainty. His eyes darted to Stretch—almost as if on
instinct. “don’t worry, edgelord—i’m sure he washed his hands this morning,”
Stretch teased, smirking at Edge.

Edge narrowed his eye
sockets at Stretch dully, before watching Cash carefully. “Do you mind if I…”
He cleared his throat, looking flustered.

“go for it, edgelord,”
Cash said, amused by Edge’s awkwardness. “i promise not to get too handsy with
you.”

With a put-upon sigh,
Edge rolled his eyes and took Cash’s hand. “I can assure you, if you do—you’ll
be leaving with fewer fingers than you arrived with,” he warned, though the
threat was fairly lacklustre.

Stretch glanced at
Edge as the descended the stairs, lifting a brow-bone. “well, it would be a shame
to waste such talented fingers…” Bringing Cash’s hand to his teeth, he kissed
it lightly.

Cash regarded him
evenly, then carefully pried his hand from Stretch’s grasp, cupping his jaw
instead. “impress me, and i might even let you sample them,” he purred. A light
dusting of gold coloured Stretch’s cheekbones. He quickly ducked his head and
shoved his hands in his pockets, but Cash caught a glimpse of a small grin
slowly spreading across his face.

“If you two want to
fuck after the first date—by all means, be my guest. Just don’t include me,”
Edge said, crisply.

Stretch tilted his
head. “are you sure you don’t want us to extend the invitation?” he questioned,
his smile widening as Edge flushed lightly.

“Positive,” Edge
muttered, releasing Cash’s hand and turning away. Cash didn’t miss the faint glow
of red on his face.

“don’t worry, edgelord—there
will be no fucking after the first date,” he said, holding Stretch with a firm
stare.

Stretch seemed
undeterred, leaning in to whisper, “during, then?”

Cash rolled his eye,
but conceded a small smile.

Twist had booked them
into a quaint breakfast parlour overlooking the gardens of Cash’s estate. When
they arrived, Cash was surprised by how close Edge and Stretch sat to him—he
was practically wedged between them. Neither of them acknowledged the fact
however, very studiously observing their menus.

Flustered, Cash tried
to focus on what to order, but found himself constantly distracted by the
gentle brush of Stretch’s fingers over his hand, and the way Edge would
occasionally nudge against him with his shoulder. While Cash was certain Stretch
was more than aware of what he was doing—he wasn’t entirely sure Edge’s
movements were intentional.

It was only when
Stretch leaned in close to whisper, “you look very pretty when you blush,”
against Cash’s acoustic meatus, that Edge’s gaze snapped up.

“Oh stop flirting and
pay attention to the date, you two,” he chided. Stretch snorted, and Cash
caught sight of the corners of Edge’s mouth twitching upward, his eyes
flickering to Stretch.

There was no chance
they hadn’t planned this, Cash decided.

When they parted ways,
Stretch hugged Cash gently. His soft scent flooded Cash’s senses, and Cash
found himself involuntarily leaning into his arms. Edge held back, looking a
little stiff. But his rare smile was enough to illicit a pleasant glow on
Cash’s cheekbones. He returned to his quarters with a warm feeling in his
chest, and a tingle of elation in his bones.

****

“hey, pal, why so
tense?” Sans asked, eyeing Cash.

Cash swallowed
thickly, wringing his hands together. “i’m not tense,” he said, a little
sharply. Sans regarded him dubiously and he sighed in concession. “i’m just…
feeling kinda worn out.”

Sans grinned, lifting
a brow-bone. “yeah? so who was it? my cash is on the edgelord—” He broke off,
stifling a snort in his sleeve. “heh. sorry. bad joke.”

Cash surveyed him
dryly, folding his arms. “you mistake me for someone without dignity,” he said,
tersely.

“ain’t nothing
undignified about putting out on the first date,” Sans told him. “though tibia
honest—” Cash rolled his eye-light “—you don’t really seem the type. so what’s
eating you—if not edge?”

Cash was quiet for a
moment, staring idly at the floor. Then, with a tired sigh, he tipped his head
back, closing his eye. “dating isn’t really my forte,” he admitted. “i’d rather
let you all fuck me and give the money to whoever lasts the longest.”

Sans snickered. “sure
there are some us who’d find that agreeable.” He looked over Cash’s shoulder,
and his smile softened. “think you might find that others are worth the
trouble.”

Cash followed his
gaze, and his soul fluttered as he saw Slim approaching. Slim smiled as his
eyes found Cash, and he dipped his head, a pale amber flush rising to his
cheekbones. “hey,” he murmured.

“sup, bud?” Sans said,
grinning. “you’re looking nice.”

Slim blushed harder,
stammering his thanks. His eyes wandered to Cash, but dropped quickly when he
saw that Cash was watching him. Cash caught Sans eyeing him deliberately, and
he quickly cleared his throat. “uh. yeah. very nice.” He hurriedly averted his
gaze, burying his hands in his pockets and allowing his shoulders to slump.

“th-thank you,” Slim
said, softly. Cash’s soul gave a pleasant clench, and a glimmer of a smile
tugged at his mouth.

“you boneheads ready
to skeledaddle?” Sans asked. Slim nodded, his eyes darting to Cash, who quickly
heaved himself from the doorframe.

“yeah. let’s head
out,” he said, his voice tight with nerves. He was surprised when Sans linked
their arms, grinning up at him casually. Cash narrowed his eye socket
suspiciously, and Sans’ gaze flickered to Slim before returning to Cash,
brow-bones lifted. Cash glanced at Slim, clearing his throat. “do you, um…?” He
held out his hand, fingers trembling.

Slim regarded it,
blinking. “oh, i…w-what?” He looked flustered, clasping his hands in front of
him and twisting them together.

“he wants to know if
you wanna hold his hand,” Sans stated loudly. Cash gave him a sharp look, magic
rising to his cheekbones. He quickly turned back to Slim, who was looking
extremely awkward, his eye sockets squeezed shut and his cheekbones all but
alight.

“you—don’t have to,”
Cash said quickly.

“do you… want me to?”
Slim asked carefully.

Cash gawked, his words
sticking in his throat. “w-well. i—i, uh…”

Leaning across Cash to
regard Slim, Sans whispered, “he does.”

Frustrated, Cash
yanked his arm from Sans’ grip, earning him a broad grin. “s-sorry,” he
stammered, looking at Slim. “it’s—it’s a juvenile tradition. there’s no need
to—” A small noise of surprise escaped him as Slim linked their hands together.

“it’s… not so bad,”
Slim whispered, something a little mischievous dancing in his eyes. Seeming to
realise himself, he quickly averted his gaze.

Cash felt frozen, his
soul thumping furiously in his ribcage. Seeing Sans’ thinly veiled look of
amusement, he quickly composed himself, drawing his shoulders up. “right. if
that’s what you want then… i won’t stop you.” Decisively, he took a hold of
Sans’ hand and guided them towards the stairs. “let’s just… get this over
with.”

Cash ignored the
twinge of guilt he felt as Slim’s smile faded.

The date passed
without hitch—and it occurred to Cash that Twist had been a lot more strategic
with his pairings than Cash had originally considered. Slim wasn’t particularly
talkative—and Cash could make no claim to being an expert conversationalist
himself—but Sans easily filled the silence with idle banter and the odd pun.

Cash was grateful for
the distraction. He seemed to be having a significant amount of difficulty
looking at Slim directly—talking was virtually impossible. A few times, he
caught Slim looking at him. But as soon as their gazes met, Slim would
hurriedly duck his head.

When their date drew
to a close, Cash couldn’t decide whether to be disappointed or relieved. While
spending time with Sans and Slim was… not unpleasant—he wasn’t confident in his
ability to withstand his own anxieties much longer.

Sans shot Cash a
departing grin and nod outside his room, before leaving him alone with Slim.
For a few seconds, silence ticked between them. Cash could feel his soul
pumping erratically. He was grateful when Slim broke the silence by saying,
“thanks, cash. that—it was… nice.”

Cash willed himself to
suppress the blush that threatened to colour his cheekbones, offering Slim a
tight nod. “yeah. it’s—it’s fine.” He sniffed, straightening his jacket.
“well—goodnight,” he said hastily, hurrying into his room before Slim could
respond.

Leaning against the
door, he exhaled. His mind felt static with nerves and excitement. He was
proud, at least, that he’d managed to get through the first week’s dates.
Dropping back onto his soft mattress, he closed his eye socket, inhaling
slowly.

His brief, peaceful
daze was broken by the sudden, insistent buzzing of his phone. He clenched his
teeth as he saw who the caller was, answering with a huff. “what is it,
twisted?”

“Patches! How was th’
last date? Ya have fun with the Pup?”

Sighing, Cash sat up,
propping himself up against the headboard. “sans and slim were both adequate
companions,” he said monotonously. He ignored Twist’s soft snickers.

“I’m sure. So, ya
ready ta make yer first decision?”

Cash stiffened. “you
mean…?”

“Gotta pick someone ta
eliminate,” Twist told him. “Got anyone in mind?”

“i…” Cash considered,
his brow creasing.

“Sleep on it.
Ceremony’s tomorrow.” Twist was silent for a moment. Then—“Any definitely
stayin’?”

Cash pinched his nasal
bridge, slumping against his bed’s comfy cushions. “can you let me sleep,
twisted? i’m tired.”

“Aw, Patches—c’mon.
Jus’ between us—who’d ya like the most? Any a’ them boyfrien’ material? Any a’
them bedr—”

Cash hung up, dropping
his phone on the bed beside him and letting his eye socket drift closed. Though
at first he’d assumed this would be the easy part—the prospect of eliminating
someone now seemed rather daunting now. The dates had been… tolerable. Perhaps
even pleasant—which was something he hadn’t been anticipating. It had been nice
to feel… wanted.

He quickly reminded
himself that the only reason he was wanted was because of the reward that
accompanied spending time with him.

Still. It had been
nice. Cash was almost reluctant to let any of them go.

Almost. He did have
someone in mind…


It’s time to cast your votes!

Click here to pick who Cash eliminates in the first round.

The Bonechelor

Round 1 (next)

Chapter 1: Introductions

Welcome to The Bonechelor! Where eight skeletons will be competing for the affections of our attractively wealthy bachelor–Cash! You can find some awesome art of him here! (by @paintys-actual-art)

(This is just a silly little shitpost-style thank you to all of you for helping me reach my 400 follower milestone! I’m so grateful for your support, and I hope you find this little game entertaining.)

In this first chapter, we will be introduced to our eight contestants–and at the end of each subsequent chapter, I’ll be posting a poll where you guys will be able to vote off the skeleton you think is least deserving of Cash’s affections–or perhaps you’ll vote according to which skeletons you find the most entertaining. (If you’re anything like me, seeing Cash suffer probably brings you great pleasure.)

Anyway–without further ado: The Bonechelor!

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Cash gazed sullenly at
the long empty table before him. Tall, golden candelabras had been placed at
the centre of the deep violet table cloth, their flames flickering in the
breeze let in by the open windows across the room. Rich fruit and fresh bread
filled the bowls beside the candles, and the finest porcelain plates and silver
cutlery had been arranged at each place setting.

The marble floors of
the dining hall had been polished to shining perfection, and every surface,
ornament, and sculpture had been rigorously dusted. The soft scent of lavender
perfumed the air—along with the citrus of the orchard of trees in the gardens
outside.

Cash leaned against
the arm of his chair with his chin resting on his hand, and yawned. The evening
ahead was going to be tiresome—but he knew he had no way of getting out of it
(as much as he’d have liked to).

A small part of him
silently hoped that he might draw entertainment from watching the other
skeletons fight for his affections. It could prove amusing. And there was
certainly no fear of attachment—they were only here for his money, after all.

“Heya, Patches—why so
broody?”

Cash jumped at the
sound of a low voice and the sudden feeling of hands curling over his shoulders.
He grimaced, turning to glower at the skeleton standing behind his chair. “what
do you want, twisted?” he asked, irritably.

“Just makin’ sure yer
ready, sweethear’,” Twist said, grinning. “The others are gonna be here soon.”
He rounded the table, sitting in the seat beside Cash. Leaning in, he narrowed
his sockets, examining Cash’s face with a scrutinising eye. Cash flushed
slightly, looking away. “Hmm, I’m impressed—yer lookin’ very presentable.”

Twist leaned back,
swinging in his chair (much to Cash’s disdain). Scowling, Cash stared at the
table, fiddling with a thread of the silk cloth. “yeah, whatever. doesn’t
really matter, does it? they’re here for my…”

“Fer yer cash?” Twist asked, snickering. Cash
lowered his gaze, his frown deepening. “Ah, I think ya’d be surprised,
sweethear’—yer not half bad, ya know?”

Cash regarded Twist dully.
“you don’t have to humour me just because i’m letting you host this ridiculous
endeavour.”

Twist only chuckled,
standing and making for the door. “I’m gonna go get ready ta welcome yer
guests.” He shot Cash a wink over his shoulder. “They’re gonna be droolin’ when
they see ya—purple’s really yer colour.”

Cash dipped his head,
flushing hotly as Twist left. Inhaling deeply, he closed his eyes, preparing
himself for the agony ahead of him.

****

The buzz of excited
chatter echoed through the extravagant dining hall, accompanied by the chink of
and scrape of cutlery on plates.

Cash’s food sat
untouched before him, the nerves in his soul too rampant to accommodate his
dinner. He cast a weary glance up and down the table; to his left sat Edge,
Red, Papyrus, and Sans; and to his right, Stretch, Blue, Slim, and Razz. They
all seemed quite content to ignore him for the moment (a fact he was more than
grateful for), occupied by their dinner and each other.

It was only when Twist
re-entered the room that Cash felt his ease of mind waning—Twist wore a
confident smile, and strode purposefully up to the seat at the far end of the
table. Surveying the table’s other occupants keenly, he cleared his throat to
gather their attention. Slowly, they broke away from their individual
conversations, looking up at him. He smiled broadly. “So, yer probably all
wonderin’ why Patches ‘n I invited ya here.”

“I suppose it was
wishful thinking to assume it was only for the pleasantness of our company,”
Papyrus said with a yielding sigh.

Razz looked at Cash,
the corners of his mouth twitching into a smirk. “I wasn’t aware the stingy beanpole
possessed the emotional capabilities for appreciating good company,” he said,
snidely.

Cash scoffed. “awfully
rich, coming from you, asshole.”

Sans perked up. “rich,
huh?”

Papyrus pinched his
nasal bridge. “Sans. If you’re going to pun at Wealthy Me’s expense—you could
at least attempt something more creative
than ‘rich’.”

Cash caught Twist
smirking at Papyrus, before he cleared his throat again to recapture everyone’s
attention. “Well—actually. Yer company—pleasant or not,” (spoken with a deliberate
glance in Razz’s direction) “is pretty essential ta what we’ve got planned.”

There was general
muttering around the table, and Cash caught a few suspicious glances in his
direction. Edge sniffed primly, looking at Twist dubiously. “And what exactly
does this ‘plan’ of yours entail?” he asked.

Twist grinned,
glancing at Cash. “Why don’t ya do the honours, Patches?”

Cash grimaced,
slumping further into his chair as eight sets of eye sockets fell on him. He
glowered at Twist, sighing heavily. “so, um.” He cleared his throat, heat
already rising to his cheekbones. “i seem to have found myself in possession of,
uh, quite a bit of c—money.”

Cash ignored the
barely-stifled snorts from Stretch and Red, pressing his teeth together before
continuing. “and, well… twisted wants me to. share it.”

Red’s smile slipped
slightly, and he regarded Cash with raised brow-bones. “since when do ya care about
sharin’, stash?” Despite the clear dubiety in his voice, Cash could tell he was
intrigued.

“twisted’s idea,” he
muttered, turning his gaze away from the prying stares of the other skeletons.

“Ya don’ wanna tell ‘em
how we’re gonna decide who gets the
cash?” Twist asked.

“you tell them,” Cash
said, shortly, “it was your stupid idea.”

Twist chuckled. “Alright,
if y’ insist.” He turned to survey the curious gazes of the other skeletons. “Yer
all familiar with the reality show called ‘the Bachelor’—right?”

For a few moments,
everyone was silent, until Blue released a silent gasp, cupping a hand over his
mouth. “No,” he hissed, horrified. “Twist—no!
You can’t be serious?”

Twist grinned,
shrugging. “Hey—are ya tellin’ me ya’d pass up the opportunity ta woo someone
as delectable as Patches?” Cash closed his eye sockets, counting backwards from
ten as he bit back his stinging retorts. He could practically feel Twist’s smug smile on him, and
opted to keep his gaze firmly fixed on his plate.

Quietly, Slim cleared
his throat, looking embarrassed. “i—i’m sorry, but i don’t think i’ve heard of it
before.”

Razz scoffed loudly. “Really,
mutt? Have you been living under a rock?” Everyone looked at Razz—and he
suddenly flushed, realising his slip up. “Well. The ads are always running. It’s hard to miss.” He
fell quiet, scowling at the table.

Well, Pup,” Twist drawled, his gaze wandering very deliberately to
Razz. “Since y’asked—allow me ta elaborate.” He pushed back his chair and stood,
coming to stand behind Cash, who cringed away a little as Twist rested his
hands on his shoulders. “Patches here is our bachelor—rich, handsome… lonely.”

“oh—just tell them the
bloody rules, asshole,” Cash snapped, yanking himself out of Twist’s grip. He
caught Sans snickering, and pinned him with a cold glare to silence him.

“Aw, sweethear’—as the
host, it’s my job ta sell ya ta yer suitors.” He glanced around at the other
skeletons. “Would ya like a list a’ his redeemin’ qualities—we might be here
fer a while, but I’m tellin’ ya, ‘s more than worth—ah, alrigh’, Patches,
alrigh’,” he said hastily, as Cash caught his wrist in a vice-like grip and
glared up at him.

Sans leaned back in
his chair, his permanent grin tainted by his narrowed eye sockets. “dunno,
twisted. i think some of us would like to hear what this guy has to offer—‘cause
frankly, i’m not sure i’m convinced he’s worth all the trouble. no offence
intended, moneybags.”

Cash forced a smile. “none
taken,” he said, stiffly.

“Hey—give ‘im a chance,
short-stuff,” Twist said. “He’s got a lot ta sell—just look at ‘im.” He leaned
in to whisper against Cash’s acoustic meatus. “Smile, darlin’—makes ya look
even sexier.”

Cash glanced up at
Twist with a bland expression, earning him a chuckle. “Aw, tha’s not a smile,
love—still sexy, though.” He turned back to the group as Cash ducked his head,
blushing furiously. “Well—fer those a’ ya not convinced, there is a… monetary incentive.”

A few of the skeletons
seemed to perk up at this—most notably, Stretch. Amusement sparkled in his eyes
as he regarded Cash. “so, basically what you’re saying is… he provides the
money, we provide the sugar? does that make him our sugar d—”

no,” Cash said insistently, scowling at Stretch, who beamed. Cash
looked up at Twist with a weary sigh. “remind me why i have to endure this,
twisted. my patience is very rapidly diminishing.”

Twist lifted a brow-bone,
but Edge interrupted him before he could respond. “I’m afraid I have to second
that, Twist. Money is of little interest to me, and to be candid—neither is a
sexual relationship with Cash.”

Cash blushed hotly,
gritting his teeth. “no one said anything about this being sexual!”

Edge blinked. “Oh. Forgive
me. I merely assumed that was what was on offer—I suppose I can be convinced to
muster up the zeal for a date or two, then.”

Cash wanted to melt
into cracks of the marble floor. His face burned, and he could feel the amused
grins of the other skeletons on him. He didn’t bother shaking off Twist’s arm
when he crouched down beside him and slung it over his shoulders. “Tha’s the
spirit, Edgelord—an’ the rest a’ ya, be grateful fer this opportunity. He’s
more th‘n worth it.” He coughed. “An’, well—fer those a’ ya who’ve got yer
heads too far up yer asses ta see it, prize money should more th’n make up fer
it.”

Razz hummed, narrowing
his eye sockets. “And just how much
are we discussing here?”

Twist winked. “Trust
me, kiddo—even you won’ be
disappointed.”

Razz looked
suspicious, but allowed the topic to drop. “So, how is the winner chosen?” he
asked. Something about the way his gaze wandered Cash’s body made Cash’s bones
crawl. He quickly looked away.

“Patches picks, a’
course,” Twist said. “At the end a’ each week—one a’ ya will be eliminated,
based on how much ‘e likes ya. Or doesn’ like ya.” He grinned at Razz. “Hope ya
got some tricks up yer sleeve, little guy.”

“Oh,” Razz said, with
a sultry smile in Cash’s direction. “I can assure you, I do.”

“so… one of us is
voted off each week,” Stretch said, slowly. “until…?”

“Until there’s two a’
ya left—then he’s gotta pick.” Twist glanced at Slim, who looked anxious. “Could
be a tough decision, or…” His gaze travelled to Razz, “an easy one.” Razz
rolled his eyes, while Slim ducked his head, his cheekbones glowing.

Excited chatter broke out
among the skeletons. Some—Blue, for example—appeared a little more enthusiastic
at the prospect than others—Red and Sans. Cash’s gaze landed on Slim, who wore
a small smile. He quickly averted his eyes when Cash looked at him, flushing
lightly. Across the table, Stretch and Edge were eyeing each other—Cash recognised
the competitive flare in their eyes, but there was something playful there too.

Twist gave Cash’s
shoulders a gentle squeeze, his lit eye socket sparkling with elation. “Looks
like yer the most excitin’ dish on the menu, Patches.”

Cash couldn’t decide whether
to be excited or terrified by the prospect.