@itsladykit and I were having a discussion about sex demons earlier today, and how they would be a wonderful source of sexual pleasure for those without any desire for emotional attachment. So here, Kit. Have some sexy sex demon sexy times. (This is definitely how Twist acquired Rus.)
Twist
watched with amusement as the demon at the foot of his bed surveyed him. “Y’know,
yer more than welcome ta join me,” he told it, patting the sheets beside him.
It frowned at him, its spiked tail flicking anxiously behind it. “I don’ bite,
promise. Might ask ya ta bite me, though.” Twist smirked as the demon narrowed
its eye sockets at him, dully.
“did
you summon me just to make crude jokes at my expense?” it asked. “because i
promise you, i have a lot more experience in that regard than you do.”
“I’m
sure ya do, sweetheart,” Twist said, grinning. “Tha’s why I summoned ya. Come
on, join me~” He purred softly, a gentle
rumble building in his chest. The demon stepped out of the summoning ring Twist
had captured it in, crawling across the bed to lie beside him.
Twist’s
soft noises of contentment grew louder as the demon kneeled over him, its tail coiling
around one of his legs. It placed its hands on his chest, leaning forward and
stroking its thumb over his cheekbone. Twist’s breath quickened as it dipped
its head, sharp teeth scraping over his cervical vertebrae. “So,” Twist panted
as it laved his sensitive bones in magical saliva, “I take it there’s no risk of
emotional attachment here? I’m kinda lookin’ fer a ‘friends with benefits’
deal, ya know?”
The
demon drew away, regarding Twist with a bland sigh. Twist grinned up at it, his
magic already buzzing with excited arousal. Then, completely deadpan, the demon said, “is
there a way to reverse the summoning spell? i think i preferred hell.”
It’s actually impossible to measure how many fucks a corvid give because there is no device sensitive enough to register such a tiny amount.
science/animal side of tumblr… explain to me the birb thing
Tail Pulling is a behavior noted in many corvids. The practical application is to create a distraction that will allow the birb to make off with the target’s food. Imagine being in the lunch room and a large fellow has a Twinkie you covet. You can’t just take it from him because he’ll defend his Twinkie. But if you thwap him on the back of his neck and then dash around to snag the Twinkie while he investigates, you stand a decent chance of enjoying spongey goodness. This is basically that in birb form.
Except corvids don’t only do this as a distraction. Sometimes they seem to just being doing it to mess with other animals/birbs. But to use my lunch room analogy, there are times you might thwap someone sneakily on the back of the neck just for amusement. Primates exhibit behavior that appears to be just be annoying other animals for amusement. Given how intelligent crows are, its not unlikely that this is a manifestation of an innate desire to just fuck with someone else for the fun of it. Such as this from the link above:
THANK YOU FOR THE BIRB KNOWLEDGE
BECAUSE IT IS FUN
This speaks to me on a molecular level.
birbs just wanna have fun
Sorry to hijack a little, but to put it bluntly, corvids are also pretty BALSY. They are more than prepared to harass other huge birds of prey which could deal them a lot of damage. There’s plenty of cases of corvids ‘riding’ other birds as well. It’s often to harass the larger bird out of the area, but as @red3blog said, they quite often (in layman’s terms) enjoy fucking shit up for fun.
‘Where the hell is the seatbelt on this thing?’
I mean they deserve a medal for having such huge bird balls imo
Fresh, he’s not allowed to be happy until I take him through a long dramatic arc, in which he goes through literal Hell but ultimately comes to grow as an individual, learning all sorts of valuable life lessons along the way. Like don’t trust spiders! Oh, wait, that’s a different AU.
Then he can be happy. Or dead. Dead works too, right?
By this time of the night, most of them had more than a couple drinks, and Rus, for one, was well on the road to being properly shitfaced, even if he was only two drinks in. Wobbling, he stood up and lifted his bottle of honey high, one foot on the chair. “I!” he declared, raising his voice for once, “I am in the mood to do something incredibly stupid.”
Twist raised his hand. “Ooh! Pick me! I’m incredibly stupid!”
Everyone turned to stare at him. “…what?” Rus asked.
“Did I stutter?” Twist asked, looking around to confirm that he had not, in fact, stuttered.
Edge facepalmed. “Stars on fire, mutt, have some dignity.”
“Dignity doesn’ get ya laid, edgelord.”
Cash rolled his eyelights. “yes,” he said, “because acting like a complete and utter moron—”
“eh. sure. why not?” Rus said, stepping down from the chair.
Cash blinked. “what.”
Standing with a flourish, Twist waltzed—literally waltzed, as in danced—over and took Rus in his arms, guiding him into a deep dip. “Good choice, sweetheart,” he said with a wink, “I’ll show ya real good time, yeah?” Laughing, Rus allowed Twist to sweep him up into his arms and carry him off.
Smirking, Slim held out his hand, and with a sigh, Red slapped a bag of G into his it. “fuckin’ hell, boss. ya couldn’t make yer move a little faster?” Red snapped, earning a glare that caused him to pull his hood up and hide his face. “i-i mean, nuthin’, boss. i didn’ say nuthin’.”
“Hmph.”
I will gladly take credit for like, one line of dialogue in there. I know this was meant to be a “shitpost”–but you’re honestly making me ship Twist and Rus more and more with this bullshit. They might even be gaining a reputation in my mind as a “shitpost couple”. And I love them for it.
Dragon Blog 