i dare you to write super angst, angst gone too far, ANGST THAT’S BEYOND THE LIMIT OF WHATS OKAY

I’m not sure I quite made it beyond that limit, but I may have gotten pretty close. And now you’re NOT allowed to get mad at me for stabbing you in the heart – you asked me to do it!

So here. Have some Spicyhoney Medieval AU angst (and of course, a hint of fluff). I’m a sucker for this trope, so I apologise for the self-indulgence.

(There are about a hundred other things I should be working on, but I just had to write this. Damn, if I don’t love a good old fashioned (hehe) Medieval AU.)

Also on AO3 if you prefer that.


You were a prince. The crown prince of one of the greatest
kingdoms in the world. Your birth was celebrated hundreds of leagues away. Your
name was blessed by travellers from all around. You were showered in gifts and
adorned by praise before you could even speak or walk. Suitors were flocking to
your doorstep when you were barely a boy. You were the treasure of the realm.

And I was a baker’s boy. Orphaned, before I turned eight. I
was nothing.

Yet somehow, fate found you in my arms.

 

My father passed some weeks before our first meeting. You were
travelling the city in your golden carriage, guards everywhere. There had been
talk of the young prince visiting our streets for many days. Crowds gathered to
see you. They cheered your name, and your father’s name, and your brother’s
name.

We were but children, but when I first saw you, you were more
beautiful than anything I had ever seen. Clothed in pure white, with eyes like
golden stars. But it was your smile that melted my soul. I was a mere beggar,
starving and dirty, yet you saw me. And you smiled. And from that moment, my
life became a dream.

When you returned the second time, I saw you again. And you
saw me. Had you not, I may have died that very day, for I had not eaten in
weeks. As it was, you were as kind as you were fair. When your father was occupied,
you slipped from the carriage, a loaf of bread in hand. It was of the finest
kitchens in the city – I could tell. You said nothing as you handed it to me,
but your smile said everything. By your grace, I lived another night.

The third time you returned, you were alone. Dressed in rags
to slip past the guards, yet I knew it was you when you smiled. The gold you
gave me was almost as bright as your eyes. ‘For your bakery,’ you told me. I did
not ask how you knew of my father’s trade, yet your smile sparkled with
mischief.

You asked me my name, and I told you. ‘Edge, my prince.’

You laughed. ‘What a strange name for a baker’s boy.’ I told
you I was no longer a baker’s boy, but a baker. You laughed again. I loved it
when you laughed.

 

After that you visited me again. And again. And again. You
bought my sweets and cakes every week. When your guards were present, you would
smile at me. When they were not, you would whisper to me. ‘How much for the
strawberry tarts, baker’s boy?’ ‘Your cakes are wonderful, baker’s boy.’ ‘You
are looking very handsome today, baker’s boy.’

As we grew older, your smiles became sweeter, and your touches
more frequent. A brush of your fingers against my arm. A touch of our shoulders
when we sat together on the cobblestone. A press of your teeth to the back of
my hand.

You were a prince, and I was but a baker’s boy, yet fate
decided that you would be mine, and I yours.

I bet you three of my shortbread cakes you would never kiss a
baker. You leaned in and whispered, ‘But you are no baker. Merely a baker’s
boy.’ I could not tell whether it was your stubbornness or your sweet-tooth,
but you proved me wrong.

I had never been kissed before then, and I don’t think I will
ever forget it. Your mouth was so warm, and you felt so smooth beneath my
hands. And I was afraid. What of, I still cannot say. Perhaps I was afraid of
being caught. Punishment for kissing the crown prince, the gods’ gift to the
realm, would be more than severe. Perhaps I was afraid of your father, the king
of all the lands. His wrath would be inconceivable should he learn I had even
touched you.

Or perhaps I was simply afraid you would not enjoy me as much
as I enjoyed you. And I enjoyed you very much.

But you made those fears go away. And for just a moment,
everything was perfect.

I saw you almost weekly after that kiss. And it proved not to
be our last. We were so young, and I was so in love with you. Kissing you was
like living in a dream, and I never wanted to wake up. To this day, I can still
recall every kiss we’ve ever shared.

 

The first time we made love was on the night of your brother’s
coronation. You left the party early. You had never quite picked up the art of
fraternising with the high lords and ladies. You found me in the kitchens,
where you had convinced your father to give me work. You looked exquisite,
still wearing your golden robes from your brother’s coronation ceremony. It
felt wrong just being in your presence. I was but a beggar, turned baker only
by your mercy.

But you made it feel right.

You led me to your chambers, sneaking us past the guards as
you always did. And there, I made love to you on the silken sheets of your bed.
To this day, I cannot find the words to describe that night. You were mine, and
I was yours. Nothing could ever compare to the feeling of you in my arms – and
I daresay, nothing ever will.

 

As the years went by, my visits became more frequent. You
would smuggle me into your chambers, we would make love, and I would be gone
before your servants woke you at dawn. And for a time, everything was perfect.

But the castle was small, and the walls had ears, and soon
people began to talk. By this time, I was one of the head chefs in the castle’s
kitchens. Yet nothing could change my past. I was a baker’s boy—a beggar from
the streets—and I always would be. I would never be fit for a prince.

The rumours were cruel, yet you cared not for gossip. But alas,
your brother did. Your reputation was his reputation after all, and the King
could not be known for allowing beggars or bakers into his brother’s bed.

The best way to dispel a rumour of course, is with a better
one. You were to marry the great king from the Far East, it was said. He would
bring you mountains of gold and conquer cities in your name. And while I still
cannot say whether it was your brother’s intention to bring any truth to these
rumours, they soon came to pass. The stories of your beauty and your charm
spread, and the Eastern King quickly took a liking to you. Even now, I cannot
blame him for that.

 

I have thought about that night – that first night when I held
you in my arms – every day since you were betrothed. And now as I write this,
you walk the aisle towards your new King. I only pray that he is benevolent.
You deserve no less.

I received your invitation to the wedding. I am truly sorry I
was not there to see you. You always looked ever so lovely in white.

By the time you read this, I will be gone. I have booked
passage across the sea to the south. I only wish I’d had the opportunity to say
a proper farewell, my prince. I don’t believe we shall ever meet again, but I
will always be yours. And I will never stop loving you, Stretch.

 

Sincerely

Edge, your baker’s boy.

 

Stretch read the letter once.
Then twice. The paper felt dry in his hands. His fingers trembled. He felt cold
despite the roaring fire before him.

He flinched at the touch of a
hand on his shoulder. “What is that, my love?” asked his new husband.

Stretch smiled – smiled as he had
the entire evening. Empty. Desolate. Detached. “Nothing—your grace.” Stretch’s
voice quavered with the falsity of his words. He shook his head, willing his
smile to widen. “Nothing of importance.” He turned to the fire, watching as the
flames flickered and cast shadows across the room. His soul was numb.

He dropped the letter into the flames,
gazing as they licked at the parchment, quickly reducing it to ash. He
anticipated himself for pain, regret. But he felt nothing.

Stretch lay awake in his new
husband’s arms for hours before he finally began to cry. If he closed his eyes,
he could almost pretend they were Edge’s arms, and not those of a stranger. He
could almost pretend he still belonged to the baker’s boy.

stripesthecoon:

I love PTA Sans. No matter the AU. 

 ~Undertale~
 

Helen: It looks like we’ll have to cut funding for the talent show. 

Sans: wait, hold up- what? that’s such crap! why? 

Helen: Well if we want to make the exchange for only gluten free lunches, we’ll have to. 

Sans: what? but there are, like, fifteen other lunch choices without gluten, and the kids can just bring their own lunch- 

Helen: Sans, you’ll just have to deal with it, okay? These lunches are more important than the talent show. 

Sans: Helen, for the love of god, i did not spend all night cutting out box tops just to hear the shit that spills from your mouth.

~Underfell~

Daniel: Well I just think monsters and humans should be separated in the sports teams.

Sans: what? why the fuck would we do that? the teams are perfectly fine, fuckface.

Daniel: It’s unfair to some of the human players, Sans.

Sans: oh, just ‘cause your kid can’t kick a ball fer shit?

Daniel: *huffs* I’m just trying to make it fair.

Sans: no, it sounds like you’re tryna make it segregation.

Daniel: This meeting is for all of our children, not just yours. Just because Frisk works well with monsters, doesn’t mea-

Sans: who gives a fuck?! all your kids are shit!

~Underswap~

Linda: *sees Papyrus* *smirks and walks over with Helen* Hello Papyrus. Sorry your plan for that field trip didn’t go through. 

Papyrus: *shrugs* eh. it happens. it looks like we won’t take the kids to the science museum after all.

Helen: We just don’t have the money to go to there. Maybe we can take them to the local library. That’s far more affordable and interesting to the childre-

Papyrus: the fuck? ha, no. we actually have over twenty thousand bucks for our field trip.

Linda and Helen: *gawk* What? How?!

Papyrus: my bro’s the head booster mom. they just had a fundraiser.

Sans: *bursts in through the door with arms full of cash* WE’RE GOING TO EUROPE! MWEH HEH HEH!

~Swapfell~ ~Fellswap~ ~Whatever the fuck you call the yellow one~

Sans: *looks at his clipboard* *storms over to Gloria* YOU! PARTICULARLY FLESHY HUMAN! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?

Gloria: *blinks in surprise* Huh? What do you mean?

Sans: ARE YOU SERIOUS? ONLY TWENTY DOLLARS IN SALES?

Gloria: It’s only how much my daughter could sel-

Sans: GLORIA THIS IS A FUNDRAISER, NOT THE GOD DAMN GIRL SCOUTS! AS HEAD BOOSTER MOM, I DEMAND THAT MORE EFFORT BE PUT INTO YOUR SALES!

Gloria: Sans, we’ve already sold most of the cookie dough! We don’t-

Sans: DO YOU WANT TO FUCKING LIVE, GLORIA? WE MUST SELL ALL THE COOKIE DOUGH!

~Horrortale~

Sans: *goes over to the snack table* Whoa. *picks up a pumpkin-shaped cookie that’s well designed* whoa. nice work, Sadie. been years since I’ve had cookies. *is about to eat one*

Suzanne: *rushes over* Oh dear. *snatches cookie away and sighs* I told her not to make those Halloween themed cookies! She knows we cancelled the Halloween themed party next week.

Sans: whoa, what? c’mon, why?

Suzanne: Well, we didn’t want to offend your people.

Sans: “my people”?

Suzanne: Why don’t you have some of my non-offensive brownies instead?

Sans: Suz, i’d rather starve than eat your brownies.

Suzanne: Oh yeah! I’m sorry, Sans. I forgot your people are all anorexic.

Sans:…….. hey, why don’t you and your family come over t’dinner, sometime? my bro’s cooking’s to die for. s’on me, pumpkin *winks*

~Altertale~

Sans: *brought some of Asgore’s scones to the meeting*

Lillian: Oh, are these scones? *tries one* Bleh!? ARE these scones?

Sans: *sighs* yes, they are. is there a problem?

Lillian: Whoever made these needs a few cooking lessons. A few dozen.

Sans:…… *picks up phone and begins to dial*

Lillian: Who are you calling?

Sans: for your lesson. *the call picks up*

Toriel: Hey, Sa-

Sans: she insulted the scones.

*the call goes dead*

Toriel: *bursts through the window* WHO THE FUCK-?!

~Underlust~

Helen: Alright, so far I am leading the sales with over two hundred dollars. *smiles to herself* I suppose my Suzy is just determined to help out our school.

Sans: *rolls his eyelights*

Helen: And Sans? How much did Frisk raise?

Sans: two thousand.

Helen: *sputters* Thousand?! How?!

Sans: candles weren’t doin’ it for us. we tried something else.

Helen: *hesitant to ask* What… did you sell?

Sans: well, we decided it was a good idea to post my picture up on craigslist and-

Linda: YOU SOLD YOUR BODY?!

Sans: Paps and the queen were happy to help, too.

Helen: That’s illegal! It’s a crime!

Sans: boo, the only crimes here are your lemon squares and that getup.

~Echotale~

Martha: It just shouldn’t be mandatory to vaccinate our children!

G: *sighs and rubs face* look, Martha, if you don’t vaccinate your kids, they’re gonna fucking die.

Martha: I am NOT letting those people pump those shots of retardedness into my child.

G: that’s not even a proven-

Martha: I’m sorry; what kind of certification do YOU have?!?

G:*blinks and digs into his pocket* huh? whoa. what’s this? *pulls out his PhD* whoa! huh, i didn’t even know that was in there. *looks at Martha* weird, huh?

~Outertale~

Helen: My child has straight A’s.

Linda: My child made class president.

Sans: my child flew into outer space and freed an entire race. *puts on sunglasses* far out, bitches. *disappears*