m/f/k Slim – Pizza, Beer, and [insert condiment of choice here] ;)

Ooh, man, I’m sorry. I completely forgot I had this in my ask box! Here’s a shitpost for you–with special guest stars Red, Edge, and Razz.

Slim regarded the three options set out on the table in front of him with distaste. “marry,” he said definitively, pointing to the maple syrup.

Red eyed him, cocking a brow-bone. “seriously? ya’d choose that sweet shit over beer? it doesn’ even get ya drunk.”

Slim shrugged. “it also doesn’t taste like it was scraped from the gutter,” he muttered, earning a snort from Red. He glanced wearily at the remaining options, the corners of his mouth turned down into a grimace. “i suppose i’d…” He shook his head in disgust, turning to his brother for assistance.

Razz only huffed, shaking his head. “Don’t look at me, mutt. I wouldn’t go anywhere near those foul excuses for sustenance.”

Edge hummed in thought, slowly approaching the table. “The real question is–which would you be able to tolerate for a single night? I suppose consuming the beer would at least erase your memory–granted you have enough.”

Razz nodded in concession. “Sound reasoning. But wouldn’t it be more satisfactory to eliminate the beer from existence? It’s a putrid drink.”

“As putrid as that greasy circle of cheese?” Edge scoffed. “I truthfully thought you had better taste than that, Razz.”

Indignant, Razz marched forward, yanking the pizza and beer can to the front of the table. “Are you honestly telling me you would rather endure the taste of warm piss in your mouth for a night than suffer a little grease? You astound me, Lieutenant.”

As Edge and Razz bickered, Red tugged at Slim’s sleeve, drawing his gaze downward. “hey, uh–how ‘bout ya forget the pizza an’ beer an’ i show ya somethin’ really worth fuckin’?” He winked casually, though a pale tinge of colour lighted his cheekbones.

Dipping his head with a small smile, Slim nodded, following Red upstairs. It only came to their brothers’ attention that they were missing when the sounds of their ‘absence’ became too loud to ignore.

Neither Razz nor Edge could deny that Slim had made a wise choice.

I feel cruel, honestly truly awful, but… Slim, f/m/k Razz, Papyrus, Blue

You should feel awful! Poor Slim has really been put through hell with this game. (Okay, I can’t place all the blame on you, anon. I did a very bad thing here. A very bad thing.)

Razz thrummed his fingers against the coffee table impatiently, watching his brother. “Well, mutt? What’s it going to be?”

Slim’s hands were clasped in front of him to stop them from shaking, and his head was ducked. “i-i…”

“Spit it out,” Razz snapped, his fingers stilling and curling into fists.

Slim shook his head, his sockets squeezed shut. “s-sans–lieutenant–i don’t…”

“Dog,” Razz snarled.

“Razz,” Blue said, his voice quiet but firm. “Stop it. You’re clearly upsetting him.”

“Blue is right, Razzberry,” Papyrus chipped in, placing a hand delicately on Razz’s arm. “It’s only a game. And I don’t think Small-me wants to play anymore.”

Razz barely spared Blue or Papyrus a glance. Shaking off Papyrus’ touch, he stood, gripping Slim by the jaw and yanking him down so that they were at eye-level. “Answer me.” His voice had dropped to a whisper, but it still stung like venom.

“f-fuck blue. marry… p-papyrus.” Slim’s breath stuttered. “kill you.”

Visible relief spread across Razz’s face, and he leaned back, nodding. “Good boy.”

Slim buried his face in his hands, and began to sob.

T_T

From this F/M/K ask meme. This is the last one I have in my inbox! What a fitting way to end this 🙂

Slim! F/M/K sans, red, stretch

A small whine built in Slim’s throat, and he shook his head. “aw, c’mon, bud,” Sans said. “it’s just a game.”

“i don’t want to play,” Slim muttered, staring at his feet.

Sans, Red, and Stretch glanced at each other doubtfully. Turning to Slim, Red offered him an encouraging smile. “i’ll make it easy fer ya, kid–kill me. ya’d be sparin’ me a lot a’ grief.”

Sans snickered. “well if that’s how we’re playing, then i think i deserve a little killing too.”

“i volunteer to die and be fucked,” Stretch supplied, winking at Slim.

Slim regarded them all, deadpan. “well, since you’re all just horny and suicidal–i think i’ll just have to marry you.”

There was collective groaning from the other three.

Pro-tip: don’t play fuck, marry, kill with a bunch of depressed assholes. From this F/M/K ask meme.

Heh…. Fuck marry kill for ut Sans: Razz, Edge and Slim. I am more than curious what he would pick…

Sans yawned, pointing at Edge. “uh… fuck.”

Razz scoffed, crossing his arms with a smirk. “Fuck? Or just ‘lie beneath’?”

“Who says he’d be on the bottom?” Edge asked, coolly.

Sans shot Edge a grin, before turning to Slim. “marry. and hey–married couples sometimes have kids, right?”

Slim blinked, heat rising to his cheekbones. “i-i suppose…”

“heh. sweet. guess we’re fucking too.”

Slim stared at Sans, his sockets slowly widening as his blush deepened. Sans winked, and Slim dipped his head, shrinking into his jacket–but Sans could see the beginnings of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Razz sneered at his brother. “Oh, pull yourself together, mutt. It’s hypothetical.” Slim’s smile faded in an instant.

Sans looked between them, frowning. Stretching until his joints clicked, he eased himself off the couch, approaching Razz. “kill,” he said flatly, pressing his finger against Razz’s sternum. Razz seemed unfazed, so Sans leaned in to murmur, “keep talking, and i’ll make sure it isn’t hypothetical.”

Thank you! This one was great to write. Razz is loads of fun. From this F/M/K ask meme.

Edge fmk Comic, Blue, and Blackberry plz

“Well, this is hardly difficult,” Edge said crisply. He pointed at Blue. “Fuck.”

“Edge!” Blue scolded, but a deep blush had settled in his cheekbones.

Edge smirked, lifting a brow-bone. “Do you have a problem with fucking me?” he asked.

Blue stuttered for a moment, then puffed himself up, glowering. “Not at all.”

He spoke in such earnest, that Edge found himself a little taken aback. He quickly cleared his throat before turning to Blackberry. “Marry. Heavens forbid I ever wed someone who doesn’t know their way around a kitchen.”

Blackberry simpered, folding his arms. “Wise choice.”

“Indeed, and…” Edge turned to give Comic an apologetic smile. “I apologise.”

Comic shrugged, grinning. “hey. at least you spared me having to fuck you.”

Edge merely rolled his eyes, but Blue scoffed, looking outraged. “Speak for yourself!” Standing, he took Edge’s hand, guiding him towards to stairs. “Come, Edge. Let’s see if I can make them hear how unlucky they are.”

From this F/M/K ask meme. (I’m sorry if it takes me a while to get through these! I still have a few sitting in my ask box, but I’m probably not going to be able to get them done for a couple of days still.)

Red! F/M/K! Edge, Papyrus, ams Slim! Go!

“i… fuck. i don’ like this. this is bullshit.”

“It’s just a game, runt,” Edge told Red, though he was frowning a little, concerned by the look of dejection on his brother’s face.

“It’s alright, Red!” Papyrus said, cheerfully. “We know that it’s a difficult choice–I too would marry all three of you if I was given the option.”

Red looked at Papyrus with raised brow-bones. “uh, thanks paps, but that’s not really what i’m…”

Papyrus levelled him with a long, firm stare, his smile fierce. “I am well aware of your misgivings–but I’m sure Slim would make an excellent husband.” Papyrus turned to Edge, grinning. “And Edgy-me would be a wonderful bedmate!”

Both Edge and Red looked at him, spluttering indignantly. Sighing, Papyrus quickly said, “Platonic bedmate. You told me you and your brother used to sleep with each other, did you not, Red?”

“next ta each other!” Red corrected, hurriedly. “not–not with.” Blushing furiously, he growled in frustration. “but that still doesn’ solve anythin’, ‘cause then i’d have ta kill…”

They all looked at Papyrus, who was smiling brightly. “Me!” he said, with far too much enthusiasm than the situation warranted.

No one spoke, a still silence hanging in the air, until Slim quietly said, “paps, you… you don’t have to…”

“It’s not a matter of whether or not I have to, Small-me,” Papyrus said gently, placing a hand over Slim’s. “It’s simply common sense and logic!”

“paps,” Red growled, “i’m not killin’ ya.”

With a put-upon sigh, Papyrus shook his head. “It’s only a game, Red. I know you have a good heart.” When Red looked unconvinced, Papyrus asked, “Would you rather kill your brother or Slim?”

“w-what? no, but i–”

“Excellent! Then it’s settled.”

“it ain’t fuckin’ settled, paps! i’m not–”

“Red,” Edge cut in quickly. “Come. Help me with dinner.”

Red stared at Papyrus, looking for a moment as if he might protest. But upon receiving a stern glare from Edge, he sighed and reluctantly followed him into the kitchen.

Once they’d left, Slim settled against Papyrus’ side, curling up with his knees drawn to his chest. “thank you,” he whispered.

“I’m quite sure I have no idea what you’re talking about, Small-me,” Papyrus said, quietly. Slim gave him a knowing look, and Papyrus sighed, lightly kissing him atop his skull. “You’re welcome.”

Aaah, this one hurt. I don’t think Red enjoyed that. (Papyrus spared him having to kill his brother or poor little Slim though.) From this F/M/K ask meme.

Sans for the F / M / K meme: Blue, Blackberry, Slim?

“huh.” Sans glanced over the three skeletons, deep in thought. Where Blue and Blackberry were practically brimming with excitement, Slim looked nervous, his head ducked and his shoulders slumped deep into his jacket. “well,” Sans said, strolling over to the sofa. “gotta marry blue. it’s not gay if you marry your pal, is it?”

Blue gave him a derisive frown, but it was clear he was struggling not to laugh. “Sorry, Sans, but I think marrying your best friend is rather gay.”

“ah. well, would it be considered gay if i boned myself?” He shot Blackberry a grin. “‘cause i think that’s what i’m gonna do.”

Blackberry drew himself up, proudly. “Gay or not, I’m very flattered.”

Sans shot him a wink, before turning to Slim. “so, i guess…” He trailed off, suddenly realising he’d messed up. He could tell that Slim was trying to smile, but the corners of his mouth had turned down reflexively, and his fingers trembled slightly where they were twisted in his jacket.

“ah, shit..” Shaking his head, Sans turned back to Blue. “sorry, bud. change of heart. you wouldn’t mind taking a bullet for your buddy slim here, would you?”

Blue quickly caught on to Sans’ line of thinking, and shook his head, smiling sweetly. “Of course not. It would be my honour.”

“sweet,” Sans said, “‘cause i think i wanna marry the pup.”

Slim’s weak smile faded entirely, and he shook his head. “s-sans, it’s… okay. i…”

“nah, for real, man,” Sans said, his smile firm. “you’re a lot more fun to play poker with than the berry–and he doesn’t know jackshit about science. think i’d go crazy if i had to live with him. the guy’s dense.”

Blue glared indignantly, but Slim’s faint blush and small smile were more than consolation enough for Sans.

This one was really fun (and, uh, a little sad. ~~Which was probably why it was fun~~). Thank you! From this F/M/K ask meme. Please feel free to send me any characters you’d like to see!

razz, fmk, twist, edge and rus

Razz scoffed. “Is this a joke?”

“Nah,” Twist said. “The only joke here is yer d–”

“Let’s remain civil,” Edge said tersely, casting Twist a cautionary frown. Twist only shrugged, leaning back and throwing an arm around Rus’s shoulders.

“A’ight then. Go ahead, little guy. Take yer pick.”

Giving a dignified sniff, Razz said, “Fine. I’d fuck…” He surveyed the three options carefully, smirking as his gaze settled on Rus. “I’d fuck the sweet little Tale-verse–”

A warning growl sounded in Edge’s throat, his expression darkening. “Watch yourself, short-stuff.”

Razz sneered, but rolled his eyes. “Very well–I’d fuck the Edgelord. If only to prove to him which of us is the better lover.”

Edge rolled his eyes, but seemed satisfied with the answer, some of the tension leaving his shoulders. Razz glanced at Twist and Rus, frowning. “I suppose I’d kill the Twisted freak and marry his soft little Tale-verse pet.” Razz’s gaze raked over Rus, and he smirked in satisfaction at the furious glares he received from Edge and Twist.

“Okay, ya tiny brat, now yer jus’ askin’ ta–”

“hey, relax, twisted,” Rus said calmly, extracting himself from Twist’s embrace. Edge and Twist watched in bewilderment as he approached Razz, leaning down so he could whisper, “are you certain you made the right decision, love?”

“Wha–ah!” Razz let out an undignified squeal of surprise as Rus cupped his pelvic bone, squeezing it gently. Razz stared up at him, his cheekbones heating furiously. “What the fuck do you think you’re–”

“what?” Rus asked, blinking innocently. “i thought you’d jump at the opportunity to fuck a–what was it? ‘sweet little tale-verse’…?” He trailed off, smiling complacently as Razz spluttered. “how about this, sweetheart–my bedroom, ten minutes, one time offer. you in?”

Razz gaped, lost for words. “I–I’m–”

Shrugging, Rus shoved his hands in his pockets. “didn’t think so,” he said, returning to the couch and wedging himself between Edge and Twist. “i doubt you’d be able to handle me anyway.”

Razz could only withstand the smug smiles of Edge and Twist for a few seconds before he was hurrying from the room, his face burning.

“Pity really,” Twist said, watching him go. “I reckon he’d’ve been alright in bed.”

From this F/M/K ask meme. Feel free to send in any characters you’d like to see ^_^

bed, wed, behead. rus with cash, edge and twist :D

Rus scratched the back of his neck, feeling uncomfortable. “i dunno about this… can’t i just fuck and marry all of you?”

“nope. you’ve gotta kill one of us,” Cash said, deadpan. Rus grimaced, scanning the three of them anxiously.

“well, i suppose i would…” His eyes settled on Edge and he swallowed. “f-fuck–”

“I swear to God, Rus, if you don’t kill me–”

“No way, Edgelord,” Twist interrupted. “He’s killin’ me–like hell I’d let either of ya die.”

Rus blinked. “guys, i, um–i think you might be taking this a little too seriousl–”

“he’d obviously kill me,” Cash said, plainly. Twist and Edge looked at him dubiously, and Cash shrugged. “obvious choice.”

“no,” Rus said, insistently. With a frustrated groan, he crouched in front of all of them, clasping their hands together and holding them in his own. “look. i know this is just a stupid game, but it seems that i have something to prove to all of you. so here’s what we’re going to do–i’m going to take you all upstairs, and i’m going to fuck you all until you’re ready to believe that you’re worth something.”

Edge, Twist, and Cash all stared at Rus, clearly taken aback. Then, Twist chuckled, knuckling the crown of Rus’s skull. “Aw, yer sweet, Tale-verse, ya really are–but it’s gonna take more th’n thirty second ta convince us a’ that.”

A beat of silence, and then–“i’ve changed my mind,” Rus said. “fuck cash, marry the edgelord–and kill the twisted bastard.”

Twist grinned, triumphant.

Here you go, Painty! From this F/M/K meme. Please feel free to send in any characters you’d like to see!

for f,m,k do cash with cash, cash and cash

The three skeletons sitting on Cash’s sofa all bore such striking resemblance to him, that he had no choice but to regard with them with complete, unreserved disgust. Pinching his nasal ridge, he sighed. “fine. alright. i guess we’re doing this.”

Stepping forward, he examined them, sockets narrowed. “well, first–i’d fuck all of you, just to see how good i was in bed.”

“why all of us?” the one on the left asked. “wouldn’t you only need to test one of us?”

“i’m minimising room for error, you idiot,” Cash snapped. “and once i was done with you, i’d kill you all.”

The middle Cash blinked, raising a brow-bone. “but, who would ya marry?” he asked.

“i’m already fucking stuck with myself for the rest of my life–i don’t need three more version of me around.”

There were general mutterings of agreement.

Here, @paintys-actual-art, have some shitpost angst. From this F/M/K meme. Feel free to send me characters!