Round 4 (previous)

Round 5 (next)

Land, ho! (And I’d like to apologise in advance for all the puns in this intro)

The ship has sailed back into port (perhaps some other ships will be sailing too), and it’s time for Cash to make another choice. Who will be walking the plank this week? Let’s sea!

🌸🌸🌸🌸💀💀💀💀

By the time Cash
awoke, sunlight was streaming in through his cabin’s porthole. He rolled over,
tugging his duvet up to his chin and shielding his eyes.

The mattress shifted
beside him and he groaned. “no. fuck off, twisted. let me sleep.”

Twist snickered
softly. “Good mornin’ ta ya too, Patches.” When Cash ignored him, he climbed up
onto the bed and knelt over Cash, humming. “Quite the sleepin’ beauty, aren’t
ya?”

“oh, go fuck
yourself,” Cash growled, despite the blush Twist’s words drew from him. “it’s
too early. i am not in the mood to deal with your bullshit.”

“Fine.” Twist
sniffed, leaning back. “But… ya’ve got five eager contestants waitin’ fer ya on
the upper deck.”

Cash pulled his
pillow over his skull. “tell them i’m busy.”

Twist hummed
thoughtfully, lying back against the headboard. “I would just pick one a’ them
myself, but ya’ve got some bones ta hand out, an’ my magic ain’t nearly as
pretty as yers.”

Cash flipped him off,
but rolled out of bed anyway. He stretched with a disgruntled sigh, turning to
regard Twist, who was lying with his legs sprawled. He watched Cash with a
smirk, lifting his brow bones. “don’t do that,” Cash said, giving him a dry
look. “you look like a whore.”

“An’ who says I’m not
one?” Twist asked, folding his arms.

“if i was going to
fuck you, i sure as hell wouldn’t pay you for it,” Cash said, shortly. Twist
tilted his head, grinning, and Cash blushed, suddenly realising the
implications of his words. “shut up—and get out. i need to get dressed.”

“At yer command…
Cap’n.” Twist saluted Cash before leaving, missing the foul gesture Cash shot
him in return.

Cash glanced out the
window as he pulled on his jeans. The sky was clear and the waves were calm,
slapping gently against the boat’s side. He could hear the call of seagulls and
the horns of other ships. When he emerged on the upper deck, he realised why;
they had pulled back into port, their boat tethered to the docks. Cash’s soul
sunk a little. He was going to miss being at sea.

The five remaining
contestants were waiting for him beside the pool. Twist was lounging against
the deck’s railing, and perked up when Cash emerged. “Ready fer the bonin’,
Patches?”

Cash glared at him.
“stop calling it that, you prick.”

“What? Yer givin’
everyone bones. It’s a perfect name.”

Cash fumed silently,
ignoring Twist in favour of surveying the others. He noticed that Edge and
Stretch had taken to standing on opposite ends of the group. Stretch had his
hoodie pulled up and Edge was very rigid, his shoulders tensed. Slim and Papyrus
were side-by-side, and both smiled at Cash as he approached. Razz was… also
smiling. Which was unsettling.

When Cash reached the
group, Twist heaved himself off the railing and came to stand beside Cash. “So,
hope all a’ ya enjoyed the cruise.”

“they’d better have,”
Cash muttered. “it cost a lot of fucking money.”

Twist only chuckled,
patting Cash on the back. “An’ we’re all very grateful ta ya fer treatin’ us.”
He indicated at the others before leaning back against the railing. “Stage is
yers, Patches.”

Cash sighed, flexing
his fingers before summoning the first violet bone. He offered it to Stretch,
who lifted his chin slightly as he took it. He frowned when Cash leaned in,
then blushed hotly when he whispered, “you know, edge told me some pretty interesting
things last night…” Cash drew away and smirked, pleased with the reaction.

Stretch cleared his
throat, his eye-lights flickering across the group. “yes. well. edge always
says some pretty interesting things when he’s drunk.”

Lifting a brow bone,
Cash tilted his head. “does he now?”

“oh fuck off,”
Stretch grumbled, hurrying to Twist’s side.

A little more
confidence-fuelled, Cash crossed the deck to stand before Edge next. He
hesitated a moment, studying his expression. Edge willfully looked away from him,
hard lines of tension in his face. Cash conjured a bone of magic and pressed it
into Edge’s hands, then leaned in, and quietly said, “still down for that
threesome?” as he eyed Stretch.

“Go fuck yourself,”
Edge snapped, sounding tired.

“well, i’m trying,”
Cash replied, giving Edge a sultry look.

“Fine then,” Edge
said crisply, drawing his shoulders up. “Go fuck Razz.”

Cash glanced at Razz,
frowning. “unlikely. but thank you.”

As Edge went to stand
beside Twist (ignoring Stretch in a manner very apparent to everyone present),
Cash summoned a third bone, facing down the three contestants he was less eager
to confront.

He tentatively
presented the bone to Slim, and his chest clenched at the glance Slim exchanged
with Papyrus. He smiled at Cash and stepped close enough that Cash could feel
his breath against his face. “y-you…” Cash swallowed, leaning back. Memories of
the previous night flooded his mind and his cheekbones felt hot.

Slim watched him
curiously for a few seconds, his smile growing wider the longer Cash struggled
with his words. “thank you,” Slim said at last, sparing him. “last night was
lovely.” He left Cash stammering and went to stand next to Twist, who cast him
a knowing look, smirking.

Tearing his eye away,
Cash summoned the final bone for the ceremony. Taking a deep breath, he gave it
to Papyrus. He briefly registered that Razz was still smiling, but ignored him
for the moment. He was trying very hard not to look at Papyrus either. He took
a shaky breath and looked deliberately away. “guess i was sort of… into all
that stuff last night,” he muttered, burying his hands in his pockets and
cursing himself for leaving his lighter at home.

He made a small noise
of surprise when Papyrus leaned in and touched his teeth to his jaw. “I second
that.” He beamed. “Last night was an eye socket-opening experience. Perhaps we
can continue it sometime.”

Cash nodded tightly,
staring at the floor. “right… yeah, uh. definitely.” As Papyrus joined the
rest of the group, Cash turned to Razz. “you’re looking awfully cheerful for
someone who just got eliminated,” he observed, cocking a brow bone.

“Let’s not pretend I
ever stood a chance of winning,” Razz said, crossing his arms. His smile was
still all too smug for Cash’s comfort.

“we all knew it,”
Cash said, somewhat snidely, “i just wasn’t sure you did. your inflated sense
of self can be baffling.”

Razz’s smile slipped
a little, but he quickly eased back into nonchalance. “This coming from a guy
who’s hosting a competition in which he is the prize.”

Cash frowned, but
Twist interrupted the conversation before it could escalate further. “Hey, don’
give ‘im the credit, I’m the host here,” he reminded them, looking affronted.
“An’, uh… I think we should be gettin’ off this boat. The owners ‘re probably
goin’ ta be back from their business trip soon.”

They all stared at
him. “twisted…” Cash pinched his nasal bridge, inhaling deeply. “what the fuck
did you do?”

Twist winked at him.
“If we wait around long enough, ya migh’ find out.”

As it happened, Cash
did not have to find out. They made it back to the manor without running into
any furious wealthy boat owners. Cash made his way straight to the bathroom
when they arrived home. As much as he loved being at sea, the lack of hot water
aboard the boat had been deplorable.

He had just begun to
strip off when he heard his bedroom door opening. He spun, quickly ducking
behind the bed to hide his nudity. “who–twisted! you ever heard of knocking?”

Twist blinked at
Cash, frowning as he scanned him in confusion. “Huh… oh! Yer naked.” Cash gave
him a deadpan look. “Sorry,” Twist said, turning away. “Just wanted ta ask how
yer feelin’.”

Sighing, Cash wrapped
a towel around himself and sat on the bed. “it’s fine,” he said. “nothing you
haven’t seen before… bastard.”

Twist glanced at him,
grinning, before sitting beside him. “So… is it narcissism, or…?”

“what?”

Twist chuckled,
squeezing his shoulder affectionately. “Can’ help bu’ notice ye’ve only got the
other Paps left…”

“ugh.” Cash shoved
him, scowling. “you want me to give razz a call? tell him to come back?”

“Fuck no. Ya made a
good choice.” Cash hummed in mild indifference, staring at the carpet.
“Seriously though, ya good fer next week?” Twist frowned, surveying Cash. “It’s
gonna be a hard decision.”

Cash frowned,
considering. Twist was right, he realised. With the way things had panned out
on the cruise (via Twist’s own orchestrating, no doubt), Cash’s choice was no
longer limited to himself.

No matter who he
eliminated next, he would be splitting apart a couple.