Rus scratched the back of his neck, feeling uncomfortable. “i dunno about this… can’t i just fuck and marry all of you?”
“nope. you’ve gotta kill one of us,” Cash said, deadpan. Rus grimaced, scanning the three of them anxiously.
“well, i suppose i would…” His eyes settled on Edge and he swallowed. “f-fuck–”
“I swear to God, Rus, if you don’t kill me–”
“No way, Edgelord,” Twist interrupted. “He’s killin’ me–like hell I’d let either of ya die.”
Rus blinked. “guys, i, um–i think you might be taking this a little too seriousl–”
“he’d obviously kill me,” Cash said, plainly. Twist and Edge looked at him dubiously, and Cash shrugged. “obvious choice.”
“no,” Rus said, insistently. With a frustrated groan, he crouched in front of all of them, clasping their hands together and holding them in his own. “look. i know this is just a stupid game, but it seems that i have something to prove to all of you. so here’s what we’re going to do–i’m going to take you all upstairs, and i’m going to fuck you all until you’re ready to believe that you’re worth something.”
Edge, Twist, and Cash all stared at Rus, clearly taken aback. Then, Twist chuckled, knuckling the crown of Rus’s skull. “Aw, yer sweet, Tale-verse, ya really are–but it’s gonna take more th’n thirty second ta convince us a’ that.”
A beat of silence, and then–“i’ve changed my mind,” Rus said. “fuck cash, marry the edgelord–and kill the twisted bastard.”
Twist grinned, triumphant.
Here you go, Painty! From this F/M/K meme. Please feel free to send in any characters you’d like to see!
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