^^You sure can, stranger.
I’m sorry guys, I still have two other requests to post, but this one is pretty heavy, and I thought it might not be quite a fitting Christmas story to end on. So I’m doing it now to get the angst out of the way.
This was mostly just me practising at writing these two, since I plan on doing more of them in my later works. I hope I did alright with it, but definitely heed the warnings.
Implied self-harm, intrusive thoughts, emotional abuse, feelings of worthlessness, domestic abuse (non-physical, although it could be interpreted that way).
There’s no happy stuff here, I’m afraid.
Slim’s fingers trembled slightly
as he fumbled with the key, barely remaining steady for long enough to slip it
into the lock. He knew his brother would be back by now, and Slim only dared
imagine what his punishment might be for arriving home this late. He pushed
open the front door slowly, trying not to make a sound as he crept across the
living room towards the stairs.
He’d barely placed his foot on
the bottom step when he heard a sigh from somewhere behind him. He turned,
glimpsing his brother’s violet eye-lights near the sofa through the dark room.
He immediately went rigid, shoulders slumping slightly as he ducked his head.
He caught sight of the flicker of irritation in Razz’s eyes, his expression
bland as he regarded Slim. “Dog. Come, sit. We’re going to talk.”
Slim flinched slightly at the
name. Razz seldom used it anymore unless they were in the company of others—or
when he was truly furious. The uncanny levelness of his voice was equally
disconcerting. Slim had grown to prefer when his brother yelled at him to when
he used that unnaturally calm tone.
Knowing better than to protest,
he cautiously approached, feeling himself shrink beneath his brother’s harsh
gaze. He sat beside him on the sofa, keeping his gaze averted. Silence hung
heavily between them for a few moments, and Slim didn’t dare break it. If Razz
had something to say, he would say it in his own time, and Slim knew better
than to speak out of turn. Eventually, Razz leaned back, knuckles cracking as
he flexed them. “Let me guess. You were with those weak versions of us you like
to call your friends?”
Slim went still, before nodding
slowly, keeping his head ducked, and his gaze fixed on the carpet. Razz
scoffed, shaking his head. “Pathetic.” He fell silent once more, and Slim could
feel his piercing gaze boring into him. He yearned to reach into his jacket for
his small pocket knife—but that could wait until later. For now, he opted to
dig his fingers into his femurs to stop them from shaking.
A subtle glance at his brother
told him that it had been a long work day for Razz… again. Fresh cuts and dents
littered his arms, and while Slim knew they would likely heal with time, there
was no denying they were causing his brother pain. Razz always projected his
physical pain verbally, behaving a lot more sharply towards Slim. Perhaps Slim
may have gotten away with arriving home so late on a normal day—but recently,
Razz had been scheduling more and more formal visits with the Queen, and Slim
knew better than to doubt her cruelty.
“So,” Razz said at last, breaking
the cold silence between them, “dare I venture a guess as to why you didn’t bother
to tell me where you were? Or perhaps you were hoping I wouldn’t find out?”
Razz tapped his fingers
impatiently on the arm of the sofa as Slim struggled to find his words, his
voice caught in his throat. “i w… wasn’t…” The words came out strained, barely
audible, even in the dead quiet of their house.
Razz sighed in frustration.
“Speak up, mutt,” he snapped. “I don’t have time to waste on your pathetic
mumbling.”
Slim nodded quickly, dipping his
head lower as shame seemed to crush him. “s-sorry,” he whispered, scratching at
the coarse fabric of the couch. “i wasn’t… wasn’t t-trying to…” He swallowed,
breathing heavily as he tried to gather his resolve. “i wouldn’t lie to… to
you, my lor—c-captain.” Slim pulled his jacket tighter around his shoulders,
still not daring to meet Razz’s gaze. He knew Razz hated it when Slim got his
title wrong—especially since Razz was still trying to prove that he was worthy
of it. More than once, the Queen had threatened to demote him because of
‘incompetence’.
Fortunately this time, Razz was
either too tired, or too preoccupied with more important things to scold Slim
for slipping up. “Well?” he said, impatience seeping into his tone. “Why didn’t
you tell me, then? Need I remind you, mutt, omission is a form of lying—and I
do not have the time to deal with your
deception on top of the deception of every other monster in this forsaken
place.”
Slim hurriedly nodded, scrambling
to find his words. “o-of course, captain. i d-didn’t mean—i didn’t… i’m sorry.
you were just… just s-so busy—i didn’t want to disturb you…” Slim’s words
trailed off into quiet muttering, and he wrapped his arms around himself,
bracing himself for his brother’s wrath.
But to his surprise, Razz was
silent. A brief glance at him revealed that he wasn’t even looking at Slim, his
gaze fixed on the dim room in front of him, appearing contemplative. Slim
ducked his head, wishing for nothing more than to retreat to his room, where he
could be alone, and not have to think. About
how pathetic he was. How useless. About how much of a burden he was to his
brother. His fingers twitched toward the small knife in his pocket, but he
clenched them into a fist, pushing down the urge.
When Razz finally spoke again,
Slim flinched, almost startled by the sound. “Yes. I was busy.” Slim caught
sight of him turning, fixing his gaze on Slim. “Busy filling out my reports.
Busy running errands for the Queen. Busy gathering as much information as I
could on the whereabouts of that barbaric lizard and her fish bitch. Busy
reinforcing the defences on our house. Look at me, dog.”
For a moment, Slim was still,
frozen out of fear of what he might see if he met his brother’s gaze. But he
couldn’t disobey a direct order, especially not when Razz was so clearly
straying near the edge. The precipice he barely kept clear of most of the time,
his LOVE always sparking at the smallest of triggers. Slim turned slowly,
keeping his gaze averted. “I said look at
me,” Razz hissed, hand suddenly gripping firmly onto Slim’s jaw, tilting
his face upward. Slim could feel himself shaking. While Razz’s hold wasn’t
painful, it was full of malicious intent, and Slim could tell he was struggling
to hold himself together. “Who do you think I do those things for, mutt?” Razz
asked, his tone dropping, but losing none of its sharpness.
“captain…” Slim murmured, barely
managing to choke the word out. He took a few quick breaths, trying to steady
his shaking hands and his racing soul. “i know your… your love for our queen
is… u-unrivalled.”
Razz released a dry laugh,
releasing Slim’s jaw harshly. “Oh, you poor, pathetic dog. You’ve been taking
my necessary grovelling too seriously.” Slim couldn’t risk looking away from
Razz now, but he wished more than anything that he could. There was an empty
look in his brother’s eyes, exhaustion set so heavily in his features. “I
wouldn’t lift a finger for that vile excuse of a ruler if I didn’t have to. Do
you really think I spend day after day, bleeding myself dry for that bitch?”
Razz spat the word slightly, and Slim flinched, shaking his head.
“i—i don’t… no, captain.”
Razz scoffed, folding his arms.
“You really have no idea, do you? Well. Let me spell it out for you, since
you’re clearly too stupid to comprehend anything.”
Slim cowered as Razz leaned in, refusing to allow Slim to avert his gaze, his
cold eye-lights harsh and piercing. “I do it, for you. All of this—” Razz indicated vaguely at their surroundings “—I
did it all, for you, little puppy.”
Slim couldn’t help it. He
released a strained sob, the beginnings of tears threatening his eye sockets.
He wasn’t sure if it was the nickname—which had once possessed so much
affection—or simply the confession itself, but he could feel himself breaking.
Predictably, Razz did not take his weakness lightly, sneering as Slim shakily
wiped at the tears, which now fell freely. “Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. You
can’t even hold yourself together for five damn minutes.”
Razz lifted himself from his
seat, brushing himself off smoothly as he observed his brother with mild
disgust. “You need me, dog. I’m the only thing standing between you and the
hundreds of monsters who would gladly eat you alive or dust you for what little
EXP you’re worth.”
Slim hugged himself tightly, as
if he might somehow be able to keep himself stable if he did so. As if he might
be able to stop himself from falling to pieces in front of his brother. But he
felt empty. Weak. Useless—so useless. Almost
without his consent, his fingers curled around the blade in his pocket, wincing
as its sharp edge dug into the bone.
If Razz noticed his distressed
whimper of pain, he didn’t show it. Turning towards the stairs, he muttered,
“Go back to those friends of yours if you must. They certainly deserve you a
lot more than I do.”
Dragon Blog 